Back in the closing years of the 20th Century, there was an odd little corner of Usenet called alt.fan.robert-jordan, or “the monkeyhouse” to its members and detractors alike. It was one of the first online communities I ever entered, approximately a week after upgrading from an electric typewriter to a PC. I’ve talked about the group fairly frequently on this blog, since – well, I owe a lot to its existence.

There were a lot of people there, on and off over the years (most famous of them, on this blog, being Mister ThePatriot himself of course). Only a few of us stayed in touch after the feet death of Usenet and the onset of the social media age, and eventually a half-dozen or so of us settled on Discord.

I was saddened to hear, just this morning, of the passing of one of the great grandmonkeys of the community, Michael “KMA” Carey.

Michael and I, as fellow Australian men of a Certain Age (although his Certain Age was a decade or two past my Certain Age), enjoyed a jocular mutual piss-taking type of a relationship that (like many Australian relationships seen from an outside lens) could have been mistaken for antagonistic. We had our disagreements and our healthy differences of opinion, but he was good people – a top bloke, one might even say.

All told, it’s been a good quarter-Century or so and the world is a duller, sadder place for his leaving it. But you know what they say. GNU KMA, the Internet is not going anywhere (and will probably only keep getting worse).

KMA – Common names: KMA, KMA the Thief, The Thread Stealer, The Lowdown Thief, KMA the Lowdown Thread Stealing Thief. Well known for: His collection of prize-winning daffodils, what do you think? KMA arrived some time between website updates while I wasn’t paying attention, but fitted into the community like a peenie into a hole in the wall. He became a well-liked regular, sent his photographs to DEBS, participated in a number of parties, and generally put his feet up. He is Australian, so it is more or less understandable that thievery and evil runs in his veins…this was demonstrated applaudably one dark afternoon when he snuck into the Contro Party, resplendent in his balaclava and suction-cup booties, and made off with an entire party conversation topic stuffed into a big sack with a $ sign on it. He took the conversation topic back to his pad, re-painted it, and posted it up as a series of five or six new threads, none of which made two hundred posts. The 1700 post-long (at that time) Contro Party, meanwhile, deprived of its nutrients, began to wither and die. ST. CHUCKY went absolutely spare for a short time, then got sort of cold and sarcastic, and promised sweet revenge in the form of a Bestiary entry. Aside from that, KMA fitted in rather well in the group, wallowing in the smut, laughing at the schoolyard humour, and delighting in the porn. Appearance: In the words of Constable Eddie from The Simpsons, “Classic burglar.” KMA is tall, thickset, with stubble on his chin, a scar on his cheek, a wooden leg, an eyepatch, a striped singlet, hooks for hands, and carrying that trademark sack with a $ sign on it. Hat: Balaclava, or a plain black beanie when rolled up for less formal occasions. Distinguishing features: Those daffodils again, idiot. Status: Sporadic.

He has now joined our pal Morgoth’s Curse (gone these past ten years, and still loved and remembered) in the big monkeyhouse in the sky, probably. And he will be missed.

The whole hat thing is probably too convoluted and silly to explain, but I guess it is ultimately central to this blog since it is Hatboy’s Hatstand and I am Hatboy (as well as Chucky, yes, and Edpool…), so … sure. This could be considered part of the blog’s very reason for being. At online parties back in the late ’90s and early ’00s, one was expected to wear a hat. Actually it was just one party really. The Contro Party. Yeah, that name is probably familiar too. It’s all connected, man.

I was privileged, in my capacity as Edpool the editor, to get first look at a lot of Michael’s strange and hilarious writing, which I edited on a very informal basis. I also did some fully professional work with him and his sister on a book, but it’s the mad rambling tales of Bernie Sanders and his cross-USA murder spree, and a little story called Reborn: An old tyre with new rubber that are going to stay with me. I shall cherish them in all their stupid, smile-inducing glory. His was a unique and quirky mind, and I will remember him fondly.

But yeah, what I guess I’ll mainly remember is that one time he stole a Usenet thread idea. What the fuck mate.

So long, fucker fucky. Ride again on the winds of time.

Hur hur hur, “winds”.

It’s like the heat death of the universe, but at once stinkier and mildly perverted. Like the monkeyhouse.