It took a few days for me to process my thoughts and feelings after the assassination of Charlie Kirk. I was scrolling through TikTok that night before bed, and I swiped the screen to watch one last video. That was a mistake. It turned out to be the video of Charlie getting shot. It was uncensored and close enough to put you in the front row. It was after one in the morning before I was able to sleep.

Like many others, I wondered why it affected me so deeply. I’d seen several videos of Charlie Kirk, but I never made it a point to follow him. After giving it some thought, I can think of three reasons.

The first is that being a parent was not just a position for me or a role I filled. It became my entire identity. Hi, I’m Dad! When my kids became adults, it nearly triggered an identity crisis for me. Lucky for me, I soon became a grandfather, and though my role may have shifted, I still have a purpose in life. Hi, I’m Grandpa!

I’ve seen videos of Charlie Kirk spending time with his family, and it drives a stake in my heart knowing that his kids were robbed of their father. Knowing that they were present when it happened twists my stomach in knots. I definitely have an emotional connection to the situation as a parent and family man myself.

I became a Christian nearly thirty years ago, and to me, it was all or nothing. So, I went all in. I wore out two Bibles reading and studying. I loved discussing what I was learning with like-minded people. I believed that a person should know what they believed and why they believed it. Once I had a firm understanding of the Bible, I began studying other religions and different denominations because I wanted to know what and why other people believed differently. I thought that one day I might get into apologetics, write books, and take the stage to debate other people. So, that brings me to the second connection. Charlie did what, at one time, I wanted to do… And they killed him for it.

The main road I took in my study of apologetics was young Earth creation. I followed people like Kent Hovind, Dr. Carl Baugh, and Ken Ham. When I researched many of the things Kent Hovind presented as proof of a young Earth, I found dead ends and fraud. I met him twice before he went to prison for tax evasion. I met Dr. Carl Baugh when at church when he spoke one Wednesday night. Let’s just say the energy-infused water he was selling reminded me of snake oil salesmen in old western movies. He claimed to know of human footprints in the same rock layer as dinosaur prints. I found out later that they no longer exist. (How convenient) Lastly, I’ll just say Ken Ham lost his debate with Bill Nye, and I found his creation museum to be a walk-through PowerPoint presentation. The Ark is a cool place to visit regardless.

Wow, that last paragraph went off the tracks of the train of thought, but I had to say it to explain why I let go of apologetics. Remember, I said I was an all-or-nothing kind of person. I still have faith, but I no longer believe that it is black and white like I once did. Maybe I’ll look up some videos of Charlie defending young Earth creation and see how he defended the subject.

I think the final connection is one we all have in common. I think the shared grief that everyone is talking about is from a shared source. Could it be that we all felt that way because it grieved the spirit of God himself? People around the world have stated that they don’t understand why his death has affected them so much. Perhaps, we’re sharing that grief for a spiritual reason. Thoughts?