Moving my body causes me tremendous pain, but it was important to me that I visit my alma mater and pay tribute to the life of Charlie Kirk.

I cried the entirety of my stay and the drive back home, surprised at how suddenly I was driven to tears, even after so many long days of grieving.

I was not prepared for the many gifts and messages others had left at UVU.

What could easily have been a depressing and angry scene was powerfully positive and disarmingly filled with faith, love, and gratitude. Every single handwritten letter, note, poster, and sign that I read was filled with words of encouragement and hope.

I didn’t see a single mean-spirited, accusatory, or vindictive message.

What a beautiful thing to experience—after so much tragedy and malice, to be presented with the response of an outpouring of love and encouragement.

I graduated from UVU, and I worked many jobs on campus. I performed on the school’s stages and studied in its halls. UVU will always represent an important part of my life, though the meaning of UVU is forever changed.

I’m a let’s-have-a-conversation guy. Not because I’m polite (I have little tact LOL), but because you know something I don’t, and I’m working to become a better version of myself, and I want to learn from you. I want to better understand the victories and challenges in your life, and your responses to them. Of course, I have my own thoughts, feelings, and opinions, but listening to you is not about me. It’s about what it means to be human, to exercise agency, and to succumb or overcome.

I think of Charlie Kirk as someone willing to have a conversation, even if I didn’t always agree with his approach. Charlie Kirk was someone who affected the world around him with his voice.

How telling that he was shot through the throat.

I’d love to spend my time with my family and friends, reading, writing, drawing, and exploring the world. My physical limitations, however, keep me in bed most of the time, combing through medical information, and setting up my next appointments. It’s painful. It’s exhausting. And I know that there’s something I’m supposed to learn from this. There’s someone I’m supposed to become through this. I need your help to do it. And I want to help where I can so that you, too, can become a better version of yourself.

Today, my mind was flooded with things I might write or draw in the tribute parking lot. I settled on Matthew 16:25, “Whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.”

If you are struggling to understand what this event means to you, I recommend visiting the tribute while it still stands. Read the messages. Focus on listening. Reach out to someone in your life who is struggling. Think of the world you want to live in and do something today to make it resemble the Heaven you desire. I’ll do the same.