Aging is often portrayed as a period of decline, a slow fade from vitality and relevance. Society feeds us a narrative of fear: fear of wrinkles, physical deterioration, loneliness, and being forgotten. Don’t listen to then. In my experience, aging is anything but a decline. It is a profound time—a time to slow down, to reflect, and to rediscover the simple, extraordinary pleasures of life.

In my new book, The Wonder and Happiness of Being Old, I ask the question, “Well, What IS it like to be OLD? “ I’m more than 85. I’m closing in on 90. I’m told I’m old. I don’t feel old. I feel at least twenty years younger. Aging is not about losing your spark—it is about illuminating it in ways that only time and years can teach. There are gifts to being old. If you are lucky enough to live this long, you find it… wonder-full. Don’t be afraid.

“Age has no reality except in the physical world. The essence of a human being is resistant to the passage of time. Our inner lives are eternal, which is to say that our spirits remain as youthful and vigorous as when we were in full bloom. Think of love as a state of grace, not the means to anything, but the alpha and omega. An end in itself.” Gabriel Garcia Marquez in Love in the Time of Cholera.

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The Freedom of Later Years

“In these older years, with the luxury of no longer working for a living, with the shedding and simplifying of desires, I think I begin the great adventure of Being Alive.”

One of the greatest gifts of aging is the freedom that comes with it. Freed from the demands of a career, societal expectations, and the constant pressure to “perform,” I can finally focus on what truly matters. It’s true I’m lucky.

Time is inexorable. We all get old (If lucky) and this shedding of distractions, this stripping and simplifying, allows us to embrace the present fully. Whether it is watching a bird at the birdbath, or just reading the paper indolently on a sunny morning (raging at the news!) these small moments (aware that raging is also a choice) are the essence of life. Joy does not come from doing more but from being—truly present, aware, and open to the wonders that surround us every day.

Edith Wharton wrote: “In spite of illness, in spite even of the archenemy sorrow, one can remain alive long past the usual date of disintegration if on is unafraid of change, insatiable in intellectual curiosity, interested in big things, and happy in small ways.”

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Wisdom Beyond Measure

“The longer I live, the more I read, the more patiently, I think and the more anxiously I inquire; the less I seem to know… Do justly: love mercy; walk humbly; this is enough for you to know and to do”. This quote is by, of all people, John Adams two centuries ago.

It could be me today. With age comes a form of wisdom that is impossible to acquire in youth. It requires decades to learn patience, acceptance, and forgiveness: how to navigate life’s challenges with grace.

This wisdom is not about having all the answers. It is about cultivating humility, curiosity, and the courage to keep learning. We are never free of grief or fear or uncertainty. But the stories we have lived, the mistakes we have made, and the joys we have felt all contribute to a deeper understanding of ourselves and the world.

“You will come to know things that can only be known with the wisdom of age and the grace of years. Most of these things will have to do with forgiveness.” Cheryl Strayed.

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Rediscovering Wonder

Oure best activity,” wrote Aristotle, “is the contemplation of the wonders of things, and it takes huge qualities of soul, intellect, and character to spend much time wondering and contemplating the beauty.”

Youth naturally brings wonder; children are awed by the simplest things. Yet as adults, routine and responsibility often dull our sense of amazement. This is why old age, the final period of your life, offers such deep and profound happiness: now, you have time. You have slowed down, and as you do you find the awe and wonder of children has been reclaimed in later life. By slowing down and embracing these quiet, ordinary moments, I reconnect with the world, the same world I have seen all my life long – and yet everything is new, rejoicing with spiritual light. Helen Keller was once asked what she would like to see if she were suddenly given the gift of sight. Her answer surprised me when I read it. “I would like to see the light in the soap bubbles,” she said, “as I do the dishes.”
Can I do the dishes as if it is an act of wonder and awe?

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Practical Ways to Cultivate Joy in Later Years

Here are a few practices I’ve found invaluable in cultivating joy and fulfillment:
1. Practice Presence: Notice the small details—the sunlight on a leaf, the aroma of morning coffee, the laughter of a loved one.
2. Move Your Body: Walking, yoga, dancing, horseback riding, or gentle stretching keeps the body and mind vibrant.
3. Nurture Relationships: Deepen your connections with friends, family, and community; these relationships bring meaning and comfort.
4. Engage Creativity: Writing, painting, cooking, knitting or any form of creative expression fosters purpose and joy.
5. Reflect and Appreciate: Write a letter to your future self. Write a letter to your younger self. What wisdom do you have for them?

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What happens with Aging?

 

“Age has given me what I was looking for my entire life—it has given me me. I fit into me now. I have an organic life, finally not necessarily the one people imagined for me, or tried to get me to have. I have the life I longed for. I have become the woman I hardly dared imagine I would be.”

Anne Lamott wrote this in Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith, and I can’t say it any better than that. I quote her in The Wonder and Happiness of Being Old.

Isn’t it wonderful that if we are lucky enough to live long enough, we reach this dazzling peak? Imagine becoming the person we were meant to be!  What do you think it will be like?

Write a letter to your future self.  What would you want to tell that future person? Your plans and ambitions, your hopes and dreams for her or him, which is to say, for you. Do you like that future self?

 

The Purpose of a long life

 

“For one human being to love another: That is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation. For this reason young people, who are beginners in everything, cannot yet know love: they have to learn it.” Rainer Maria Rilke.

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WHEN IS OLD?

 

I take up this  question  The Wonder and Happiness of Being Old.

To AARP old begins at 50.

For Medicare, old (and receiving medical insurance) is 65.

Social Security dates it as 64.

“You’re old when you decide you are,” said one friend.

“When your parents die,” said Michele, “when you stand at the top of the ladder.”

“When it’s too much trouble to pretend any more, when you stop coloring your hair or wearing makeup, ‘Oh, what the heck,’ you say.”

“You’re old when you start telling your age,” said my friend Annette, having spent her life knocking off the years. “Then you get to play the old card.”

So when are you old? I myself at 88 feel twenty years younger than my chronological age, and this is by no means rare. “The tragedy of old age is not that one is old,” write Oscar Wilde, “but that one is young.”

Here is a question to ponder on:  Is “old” a projection? Or is it a perception?

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Life Expectancy—a study in failure

When Social Security was started in 1935, the average age of death was 61 for white men, 65 for white women; for Black men it was only 51, or 55 for Black women. Today, life expectancy, in the US, which had climbed recently, has been dropping like a plummeting hawk. It is now 76 for men, but in comparable countries it’s 82.4!

The numbers depend on which study you read. 56 countries surpass the US in life expectancy, or is it 43? Another study ranks the USA as 61out of 237 countries. The US outspends all the other countries on health care and has the lowest life expectancy of any of the large wealthy countries.

If you live in France your life expectancy is 6 years longer than in the US.

Men die younger than women. Boy babies die more often than girl babies. Yet most medical studies are done on men. And despite our interest in aging, we find almost no pharmacological studies that include the elderly.

Yet still, this period of old age is happy. It’s fascinating. Maybe you need to read my book, The Wonder and Happiness of Being Old to know why. It’s been called “such a  brilliant book,” by bestselling author Emma Gannon, and “magnificent” by Julia Cameron. It’s being published in the USA, in UK, Australia/NZ, Japan, Brazil and Spain. “You’ll want to read it with a highlighter in your hand,” wrote medium and psychic Suzanne Geissman. I’m so excited by it. I want everyone to buy it, and then buy another copy to give a friend.

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