What the Fart Pact is happening, all you covenant-breakers who’re sitting in a group of mildly-well-acquainted folks who are all wrinkling their noses and pretending not to notice because one of you—ONE OF YOU—just tried to sneak a silent one past the group but it fell fucking short and now all of you are trying not to claw at your throats and gasp-whisper, “It kills, it kills,” but you decide it’s silly, these people need to stop being a bunch of uptight pearl-clutchers so you lift a leg, flex your sphincter, and—

BEEEOOOORRRR

—cut loose with a beefer that would make Gimli at Helm’s Deep stop mid horn-blow and murmur, “By the Mountains of Thrainor,” but it doesn’t have the intended effect, people break down crying or thrashing and twitching in mouth-foaming seizures, guns snap up and movie-red lasers dance across your face you raise your hands and scream, “YOU ALL WANTED TO TRY IT—I JUST HAD THE BALLS TO ACTUALLY DO IT, YOU PIECE OF SHIT COWARDS” they’re calling you beast, animal, you’re a goddamn traitor to peace and humanity—

Control those sphincter muscles, you sociopathic deathbringer!  Jesus fucking Christ—why would you want to speed up the goddamn apocalypse?!?

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm.  Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor.  Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  I’ve just published volume 2:  Weapons of Old  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing