What the spider-monkey doggy-style is happening, all you sexual black belts who’re hitting it from behind while hunched over like Gollum, clenching your teeth as your sack bounces off the clit and elicits a series of ego-spiking moans, suddenly your left hamstring cramps the fuck up, veins pop out on your temples as you grunt-scream HRRRHHH and diligently keep thrusting, shit you’ve maxed out your electrolytes, the needle’s edging out of the red into the section labeled IMPENDING DOOM, doesn’t fucking matter, you gotta keep—OH-DEAR-JESUS there goes your other hamstring!  You throw your head back in silent agony, sinews on your neck straining like they’re about to burst like overtightened cables, mouth foaming like a rabid dog, a demonic-sounding gargle slips out from your mouth and she asks what’s wrong that’s the STRAW THAT BREAKS THE CAMEL’S BACK YOU START UGLY-CRYING LIKE WILL FERRELL AT HIS MID-2000S BEST—

What in the FUCK?!?  You gotta trains for them shits, fool!  No one attempts spider-monkey doggy-style without a solid carb-load and a three-month fight camp where you train to fuck like a kyphotic gargoyle!  Jesus fucking Christ!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm.  Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor.  Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  I’ve just published volume 2:  Weapons of Old  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing