Audiobooks, Ebooks, and Other Things That Go Bump in the Night

A Post About ‘Real’ Books and ‘Proper’ Reading
aka: Can You Hear Me Reading?

It’s officially autumn!

I forgot to ask last time…. Did you all have the summer of your dreams? Or was it more of a sunburnt nightmare featuring tepid drinks and too many wasps?

Yes, I’m aware that I should have posted this way before this. I’ve spent the last few months doing what I do best — hiding from the sun and reading. A lot. Possibly too much. Which might explain why I’ve only just emerged from under my metaphorical rock (it’s more of a heavily curtained chaise lounge, but “rock” has that dramatic flair humans seem to enjoy).

One night, I was lying in bed, listening to an audiobook — as you do when your brain refuses to switch off — and I couldn’t sleep. Again.

I know, shocking: vampire can’t sleep at night.

But still, annoying. Even the not-undead need a routine. And while I don’t technically have a 9-to-5 (my life has its perks), I still have responsibilities. Rent, you ask? No — I’ve made some clever investments over the decades so never needed a mortgage. But I’m not one of those mysteriously wealthy fictional vampires with a crumbling castle and bottomless bank account.

Seriously, where do they get the money? Candles don’t buy themselves. And have you seen the cost of castle upkeep? Or the council tax on Gothic towers? Don’t get me started on crypt maintenance.

Anyway, back to reading.

I’ve noticed that humans get oddly fussy about what counts as “real” reading. Audiobooks? Apparently not “real.” Ebooks? Questionable. Graphic novels? Suspicious. Reading the back of a cereal box while eating dry cornflakes at 2am? Somehow more legitimate than listening to a Booker Prize winner while doing laundry.

Now, I’m old enough to remember the uproar when ebooks first slithered onto the scene. There was much hand-wringing and clutching of paperbacks, as if the invention of the Kindle was the first sign of the apocalypse.

(Spoiler: it wasn’t. I’ve seen a few supposed ones. This wasn’t even in the top ten.)

Audiobooks get a similar treatment now. “It doesn’t count,” some say, as if the words are less real when spoken aloud. Tell that to someone whose only access to books is audio. Or to Homer, for that matter. Not Simpson — the Greek one. He didn’t write The Odyssey down either.

Meanwhile, I’m over here, shovel in hand, watching humans move the goalposts around like they’re playing some kind of literary Cnapan. Feel free to borrow my shovel, by the way. Use it to dig up those ever-shifting goalposts, or dig a slightly deeper hole for yourself during your next online argument about whether comic books count as literature.

(They do.)

If you’re a true literary elitist, you can also use it to keep digging once you’ve hit the bottom of the barrel. There’s always another subgenre to look down on.

Me? I’m happily eclectic. I read (or listen to, or absorb via osmosis) whatever catches my interest. Mostly gothic horror, classic detective fiction, 20th century Science Fiction. Though I can’t help but notice some writers only ever write one story. Over and over. Same plot, new characters. Or worse — same characters, different perspectives. (I see you, four-volume series that’s just the same story from four mildly different angles.)

Although… maybe there’s a story in that.

A cursed writer, doomed to rewrite the same novel again and again. He returns to his hometown (which he definitely fled decades ago) to break the cycle. Maybe he’s not alone — old friends, also cursed (because of course), also stuck in their own weird loops, show up. They think it’s just life. But then… maybe it is a curse. Or maybe it’s just the choices they made.

Twist ending: it’s both.

Publishing company name: Groundhog Publishing. You’re welcome. Well, it made me chuckle anyway.

Anyway! What about you?

What’s your favourite genre? Author? Book you go back to again and again (curse or not)?
Do you consider audiobooks to be real reading?
And are ebooks worthy of shelf space — even if they’re digital?

Drop your answers in the comments. (Yes, I finally get what that means.)

Happily listening to a vampire version of Pride & Prejudice right now,
– Your Friendly Neighbourhood Everyday Vampire

For anyone wanting to read all my rants in one place – including all-new exclusive stuff, then click below! And yes! They’re both ebooks and physical papery books!

Volume 1 of my diary – why not start at the very beginning?

Volume 2 – more rants, musings and fairly useful advice

Volume 3 – things are afoot! The thot plickens…

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Published on October 17, 2025 11:00

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