In every conversation, you have a choice: chase outcomes you can’t control—or focus on the intention you bring into the room.

The difference determines whether your communication breeds connection or conflict.

True leadership, at its core, is not about being right—it’s about showing up with integrity, curiosity, and the courage to listen deeply.

1. Why Intention Matters More Than Expectation

When we enter a conversation, especially a difficult one, most of us carry hidden expectations—how we want others to respond, what we hope to hear, and the emotional relief we crave at the end. But those expectations tether us to outcomes we can’t control.

Intention, on the other hand, anchors us. It’s the internal compass guiding how we show up regardless of what happens. As co-hosts Hylke Faber and Carson V. Heady discuss, intention is about choosing honesty, kindness, and service over ego, control, and outcome.

“Ego is loud. Intention is steady.”

When we lead with intention, we become the calm center in the storm. Our tone, our presence, and our energy—often 93% of what others perceive—set the emotional temperature for the entire conversation.

2. The 1% Principle: Focus on What You Can Control

Hylke introduced the concept of the 1% principle—focusing on the small portion of any situation that’s actually within our control.

You can’t control:

How others respond.Whether they agree with you.Or whether the outcome unfolds as planned.

But you can control:

Your values.Your composure.Your clarity of purpose.Your emotional tone.

Carson echoed this beautifully: “Before every meeting, I anchor on the why—the collective goal we’re here to serve. Because if I’m not grounded in that, ego takes over.”

This mindset doesn’t just apply to one-on-one conversations—it transforms team dynamics. When everyone focuses on their 1%, meetings become spaces of collaboration rather than competition.

3. The COAE Framework: A Roadmap for Connected Communication

The Connected Communication Practices break down into four key stages using the acronym COAE:

Center – Regulate yourself before entering the conversation. Be aware of your energy and presence.Open – Share honestly and humbly. Transparency invites trust.Ask – Listen deeply. Seek understanding, not agreement.Exchange – Build solutions together, as partners—not adversaries.

This framework reminds us that connected communication is less about perfect words and more about authentic presence. When you show up centered and intentional, you naturally inspire others to do the same.

4. Leading Through Tough Conversations

Carson shared a leadership practice that embodies this principle. Before a sensitive team meeting, he told his team:

“Today, I’m not recording. I want everyone to be candid. My intention is to understand what really matters to you.”

By removing the layer of performance, he created psychological safety—a space where honesty could thrive. He didn’t seek to control the outcome but to connect authentically.

Leaders often avoid tough conversations, hoping issues will resolve themselves. But as Carson noted, “We’ve got to lean in, meet the moment, and be the first to model the transparency we wish to see.”

True leadership means addressing discomfort with composure—choosing calm, curious, and collaborative energy even when emotions run high.

5. When Conversations Go Off Track

Not every dialogue ends in harmony. Hylke described a challenging conversation with a vendor where things grew tense. His instinct was to fix or appease—but instead, he stayed grounded in his intention: to co-create a high-quality product with honesty and respect.

The result wasn’t immediate resolution—but it was integrity. By staying true to his purpose rather than forcing an outcome, he created the conditions for mutual trust to rebuild later.

As Hylke put it, “I didn’t give into the temptation to fix or force. I stayed in what was true.”

That’s what intention does—it transforms difficult moments into opportunities for alignment and authenticity.

6. Reconnecting Across Divides

One of the most powerful moments in the conversation came when Hylke shared a personal story of connecting with someone who held opposite political beliefs.

His expectation was to change their mind. His intention became simply to connect—human to human.

Even as the discussion heated up, he re-centered himself with a simple question:

“Who do I want to be right now?”

That inner pause shifted everything. He let go of being right and chose to be kind, curious, and present. The conversation didn’t end in agreement—but it ended in wholeness.

Carson added a poignant reflection: “When we decide we’re right, we start looking for people who are wrong. But if we let go of that need, we show up empty of ego and full of integrity.”

7. Powerful Practices You Can Start Today

Here are tangible steps you can apply immediately to build intentional connection in your team and life:

Set Your Intention Before Every Conversation. Ask: “What do I want to bring to this discussion?” rather than “What do I want to get from it?”Name the Emotional Tone You Want to Hold. Carson uses “Calm, Curious, Collaborative.” Pick yours—and return to it when things get tense.Pause and Recenter When Triggered. Take a breath. Ask yourself: “Who do I want to be right now?” Your answer determines your energy.Listen for Understanding, Not Agreement. Make it your mission to see and hear others fully. Everyone wants to feel seen and valued.Lead With Transparency. Model openness first. Whether in leadership, partnership, or friendship—someone has to go first. Let it be you.Let Go of the 99%. Release the outcome. Focus on the 1%—your intention, your presence, and your integrity.Final Reflection

John F. Kennedy once said:

“Let us not seek the Republican answer or the Democratic answer, but the right answer… Let us accept our responsibility for the future.”

That’s what intention is—taking responsibility for the future of our interactions. Every moment, we can choose to meet others not as adversaries but as partners in discovery.

Because when we communicate with intention, we don’t just change conversations— we change cultures.

Takeaway Thought: Before your next meeting, pause for five seconds and ask yourself one simple question: “What is my intention here?”

That single act can shift the energy of your day, your team, and perhaps even your world.