Good evening! I’m Katie Lam, the deputy leader of Reform. As some of you may know, I used to work in finance many moons ago, and I was also a special advisor to Suella Braverman and Boris Johnson - two of the finest politicians this country has ever produced. And I am so excited you to talk to you tonight about how Britain became great again, and why Great Britain is the best place in the world to invest in right now.

As you know, it hasn’t always been like this! Indeed, there was a time when many of us didn’t feel as great as we used to be and didn’t think we’d ever feel great again. Some of you may remember back in 2025, when I was just a rising star in the Conservative Party - as it was known before the merger - and I suggested in a newspaper interview in a discussion about illegal immigration that:

There are also a large number of people in this country who came here legally, but in effect shouldn’t have been able to do so. It’s not the fault of the individuals who came here, they just shouldn’t have been able to do so. They will also need to go home. What that will leave is a mostly but not entirely culturally coherent group of people

What a kerfuffle that caused! You can’t imagine. Before that interview, the only thing most people knew about me was that Boris’s dog once weed on my handbag! But when I had the temerity to speak up for Britain, how the liberals clutched their pearls! James O’Brien - bless - got awfully upset, or pretended to, and said it was a breach of ‘basic tenets of decency’ to take away rights that had been given to immigrants by previous governments.

Thanks for reading Matt Carr’s Infernal Machine! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

Others said I was being ‘racist’! I know! Someone said it was just like the 30s! Well, as someone whose Jewish grandmother came to this country as a refugee, and whose grandfather lost his family in the Holocaust, let me tell you that I know what the 30s were all about. And there is no comparison!

How did that slide get in there? That’s what happens when you let Chris Philps set up your PowerPoints! Chris? Thank you.

There were even members of my own party who said I’d gone too far. Seriously?

As I made clear at the time, you can’t just come and live here for ten or twenty years or whatever, and then call this country your home, because some irresponsible government said you could. Especially as most of them weren’t making nearly as much money as anyone in this room. Some of them - family members, grandma and the mother-in-law and other hangers on - never worked at all. And most of those who did work, were barely making between £20,000 to £25,000 a year.

Yet somehow we were expected to believe that people like that were contributing to our country, and had the right to call themselves British? Please.

Had these people heard of the Bard or Jane Austen or the two Ronnies? Had they read The Railway Children? Did they know who won the Battle of Hastings or who Anne Boleyn was? No they did not. But they just walked across our borders, and the diversity commissars put out the red carpet and told them, ‘have a house’, ‘see a doctor’, ‘claim benefits’, ‘stay in a four star hotel.’

It. Was. Insane!

When our own people couldn’t get on the housing ladder or even see a dentist or fix a pothole, because of the tough choices that my party had to make! And of course, there was no integration. Half of these visitors couldn’t even speak English. Or they spoke it with an accent, because they were speaking their own languages in their own homes!

They came in, and turned our country into the Island of Babel. And let’s not forget religion. This is, and always has been a Christian country, but there were people coming here from alien cultures and bringing all kinds of alien creeds with them. And I’m not only referring to Muslims. Our Christian heritage was also being displaced by wokeism, which, as our Faith Minister Danny Kruger once wisely observed:

is a combination of ancient paganism, Christian heresies, and the cult of modernism, all mashed up into a deeply mistaken and deeply dangerous ideology of power that is hostile to the essential objects of our affections and our loyalties: families, communities, and nations.

That’s where cultural incoherence leads you. Paganism. Heresy. Mosques and empty pews.

That’s why I spoke up. And luckily, there were also those who were ready to put their heads above the parapet and support me. David Frost, now Minister for Integration, agreed that too many people were coming here who didn’t know what Britain is, and that it should be incumbent upon all of us - all of us - on these islands to embrace the values that define us: King. Country. Flag. Shakespeare.

Because without those markers of identity, who are you really? What country do you belong to? The problem was, as David recognised:

We have all so deeply internalised the state ideology, that diversity is strength, that it surprises us when someone says coherence might also (or, even, instead) be a desirable goal of government policy.

Well that was then, and this is now. And since Nigel became Prime Minister, all that has changed. In only two years, we’ve achieved so much. Look around you. Have you ever seen so many flags in any country? Union Jacks. St George crosses. Flags painted on roundabouts. Even 10 Downing Street was painted red, white and blue, before Nigel wisely turned it into a Weatherspoons.

It’s a spiritual renewal and a national renewal. And it didn’t just happen by accident! Under our National Flag Law, every school, charity or public institution must fly the flag at all times - or don’t expect funding! Thanks to our Patriot School Bill, every school assembly must sing the National Anthem, and hear a reading from the Bible, a select example of British greatness and/or a British feat of arms.

No more of that ‘white people are so awful’ wokery.

As David once said, nothing wrong with Islam or Hinduism, but it was Christianity that made this country what it is today. Since we started our Soldiers to Headteachers scheme, teachers are a little more wary about teaching children how to be lesbians and homosexuals! And those of you who watch the riveting reality tv series Born Again, on GBBC, will know that adult deviants are now seeing their lives transformed by the King’s Army and Ant Middleton’s rehabilitation boot camps.

And as for the immigrants, well! 400,000 deported so far - legal and illegal - and we’ve barely got started! Even President Trump - isn’t it wonderful that Robert Kennedy’s cyborg program has replaced all his internal organs to give him a third term? - has praised our remigration and removal program, which we modelled on ICE’s splendid work.

Our Removal Corps have been picking up so many legals and illegals that our detention centres can’t keep up!

Since we left the UN and the ECHR - our Go Home Airline flights are taking off 24/7. Afghanistan, DRC, the Gobi Desert and the North Pole - all safe countries. Not that it’s any of our business one way or another.

Right now, I can confidently say that there’s not a single legal immigrant who makes under our new income threshold of £100,000 a year, who can take their future in this country for granted. And the boats have stopped coming since the navy blockaded the channel, and as for the illegals who got through - we are coming for you. We are taking our country back.

And we are also becoming more or less culturally coherent once again.

Nowadays, if you take the underground, you won’t have to feel uncomfortable when foreigners speak their own languages, as Nigel once did - not since we introduced fines for speaking your own language in public. Go out into the shires, and the churches are filling up again. Yes, last summer’s Patriot Day celebrations got a little out of hand.

There will always be a few hotheads when the lion roars. But there is also a positive sound. Now every foreigner knows that you don’t something for nothing, and you don’t get to be British just because you feel like it. Even a consultant surgeon has to put in 500 hours of voluntary work to show that they’re contributing, thanks to our new mandatory community service threshold for indefinite leave to remain. And every migrant has to take a language exam and speak English to university standard, no matter how long they stay here.

And no, the taxpayer does not fund it.

That’s what it means to take back control. And because of what we’ve done, so many things we thought were lost are coming back:

Look at those street urchins with their puppy dog eyes! So many more of them on our streets in the last two years, the little scamps:

No wonder the Morris Dancers are jiggling their bells!

They know that this isn’t an island of strangers anymore. This is not the land of DEI and cities of sanctuary and refugee rapists are welcome here. This is not the country of wind farms and the climate scam. This is not a country where Marxist universities teach multiculturalism and transgender ideology, and make money from nonsense degrees in Media Studies, English and Anthropology.

This is a country of pride, community and belonging. A country with common values and a common purpose. And all thanks to one man - the voice of the common people, whose face you see on every high street:

Of course, some of you will have heard about the blips - wildly exaggerated as always by the left, and by woke economists and civil servants bitter at Dom and Dicky’s DOGE cuts. You may have read about councils going bankrupt, universities and GP surgeries closing, fiscal deficits and the sterling crisis.

The left do love to moan. But as someone who used to work for Goldman Sachs, I can tell you that there is money to be made here. Ask Elon Musk and Peter Thiel! Low taxes, no red tape in anything at all, a compliant and flexible workforce, respect for entrepreneurship - all this and you get Downton Abbey, Wimbledon and the Royal Family too!

That is what cultural coherence means. It means cleaving to your values. And if there’s one value that we in this country hold more dearly than anything else, it’s wealth.

We simply adore the wealthy, and we’re not fussed where their money comes from as long as it comes here! And that’s we invited you here tonight. Millionaires, billionaires and trillionaires - we will always welcome you with open arms. You will always have a home here, for as long as you like. Indefinite leave to remain? A fast track to citizenship? Whatever you need.

So come to Great Britain. Believe in us. Invest in us. And now I’ll hand you over to our Home Secretary, who will tell you how he brought white faces back to our tv screens and put migrant children in cages!.

Thank you so much. Ladies and gentlemen, a big hand for Bob Jenrick!

Share