A key to achieving emotional balance is in understanding the sources of our energy. Is it renewable energy, grounded in mindfulness, self-awareness, and intrinsic motivation? Or are we relying on a secondary energy source, which is often external and unsustainable, such as seeking validation, praise, or status?

Renewable energy is internal, arising from practices that foster emotional and mental well-being. This kind of energy comes from a place of mindfulness, self-awareness, and an authentic connection to oneself. When we draw from this energy, we are more likely to experience emotional resilience because we are not dependent on outside circumstances or external validation. We are grounded in our inner self-worth, capable of staying calm in the face of adversity, and able to make thoughtful decisions rather than reacting impulsively to fear or stress. Renewable energy is self-sustaining. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, journaling, or spending time in nature, help cultivate this energy. It is also nurtured by an ongoing practice of self-compassion, where we approach challenges with curiosity and patience rather than self-judgment.

This energy allows us to face both optimism and pessimism without getting lost in extremes, because it fosters emotional flexibility—the ability to respond appropriately to whatever arises.

Secondary energy sources are externally driven, often coming from a need for praise, validation, status, or attention. These sources of energy are less stable and can be fleeting, which makes them unreliable when facing emotional challenges. If our emotional well-being is tied to how others perceive us, we become vulnerable to external fluctuations. For example, if we rely on praise to feel good about ourselves, it can lead to a pattern of people pleasing and co-dependency. On the other hand, when we don’t receive the validation we seek, it can trigger pessimism and feelings of worthlessness. Relying on external energy sources creates a cycle where our emotional state is dictated by circumstances beyond our control. This can leave us feeling emotionally depleted, causing us to oscillate between extremes of behaviour, from excessive optimism when things go well to deep pessimism when they don’t.

Just as we learn unhelpful habits, such as relying on external sources of energy, we can also unlearn them. Firstly, we need to recognise patterns of behaviour. Behavioural Therapies such as CBT helps us chart our maladaptive behaviour patterns and to recognise triggers that lead to these spirals.

For online one-to-one therapy sessions please get in touch with me at: info@colletteomahony.com.

This is an extract from by book ‘A Compass for Change’. Available on Amazon.

Collette O’Mahony.