Someone once called me a mystic without a monastery, traveling the countryside with a few icons and placing them strategically and comically where you would least expect them. In truth, my hope is to bring surprise and delight to any observer. My goal is to spark a renewed spiritual relevance, with new iconography built on old theology, regardless of being called a most reverent heretic.

At the age of 40, I innocently attended an icon writing workshop with an Orthodox priest. That first introduction swept me up like a baptism; it felt like an alternative way of life in God. Later, the egg tempera technique added to the experience, reaffirming my deep love for Creation. The iconographer paints with traditional egg tempera; egg yolk + water mixed with million-year-old stone ground into a fine dust called earth pigments. Egg yolk represents the raw potential for life, and the earth pigment, “eternity”, mixed together to create a divine image. One day, I would like to try to explain the mystical nature of this process, which is deep and never the same; always new and a constant teacher.

All the experimental art media I have used throughout my life have been preparation for this work. I think now, at the age of 70, “If I stop painting Icons, I will no longer paint at all.” It has been a privilege as well as a kind of joyous slavery to explore Christianity through iconography and prayer. For a while, I abandoned my friends and the outside world because I felt possessed and mystified by the process of working with God’s dirt. My husband allowed my obsession and commitment, and did not doubt or obstruct my behavior, and for this I am grateful.

The Byzantine Church in Constantinople elevated icons as a way of illustrating and teaching church doctrine through biblical imagery. In the early church, very few books were available to the ordinary population, and they were expensive; besides, most people could not read. Leave it to the artist of the time to take the revelation of Christ and put it down in color and shape.

The early iconographers emphasized mystical awe and wonder, which comes from “knowing” God. “God” creates through us, as God is the creator. Byzantine style iconographers offer no expression; instead, they paint empty eyes gazing towards the viewer, stunned by the presence of God. No bleeding Jesus, sorrowful weeping mother Mary, wiggly babies, or anguished suffering saints, these images are windows to a quiet, reflective world. The awe of being, the shock of wonder, and the deep spender of absolute loving abundance were what they were after. They see us clearly in all that we are called to be.

For 30 years, I have tried to respect and learn from the tradition, yet with a noticeable amount of kicking and screaming. I have a passion for these ancient images and will undoubtedly fail to reproduce the depth of mystery that the early iconographers offered. However, I am committed to using their artistic creativity and mystical data to record what I cannot see. It has been challenging to believe in faith that God has a hand in this practice I am so drawn to. My commitment to painting icons has been like a salmon swimming upstream; I have no idea when the struggle will end, and I am continually questioning why the desire to swim is so intense.

Let me reverse the question: how can the Icon transform me into an idea? Experienced iconographers live in a twisted dimension: after long hours of repetitive painting (writing), theoretically, you remember you are a divine image. For me, it came as a surprise. The painting and mystical prayer are the ground for everyday work in the studio; the attempt to paint a divine image enables us to realize something quite intimate about God, and we create as we are created. “God” creates through us, as God is the Creator.

Internally, iconographers believe “beauty will save the world.” The act of painting transforms us. Through the paint and the image, I have found extraordinary beauty in humankind and my potential to see the divine in all things.

Mistaken or not, there has always been a constant sense of having been called to do the work. Some say there is a purpose for each of us to be revealed, and it may not be anything we expected. I could have never dreamed two-thirds of my life would be dedicated to painting icons. I paint because the results are always unexpected, beautiful, and filled with the wonder of where spirit comes from.

Traditionally, one does not sign an icon because the act itself is considered to be prayer, an ongoing conversation with God. As an artist, I “imagine” new images from time to time. These images continue to transform me, and with any luck, one day I will write one image of lasting beauty for humanity.

Peace, Mary Jane Miller, Icons for a more spiritual tomorrow.

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