I have been neglecting my blog. Well, it would be wrong to say that I am ignoring it. Actually, I keep jotting down lots of thoughts and scribbling nonsense, but I never feel like posting them.

2025 has been a year that has been both kind and brutal at the same time. It’s truly a year that I’m finding difficult to wrap my head around. Many years from now, I may look back at this year as the one that pulled me out of my comfort zone. It pushed my boundaries and made me do things I had never imagined doing.

This year, I also managed to cut ties with three toxic acquaintances. I’ve known two of them since around 1999–2000, and the third one I befriended in 2013. They were once an integral part of my life — I laughed and cried with them, and we made great memories together. However, today, having blocked them out of my life, I feel no regret, grief, or pain. I feel relief — the same relief one feels after extracting a rotten tooth.

In the years ahead, I may become even more ruthless and remove more people from my life. I’ve realized that life itself isn’t unpleasant or difficult; it’s often the people who make it worse.

Nowadays, whenever I feel stressed, I imagine myself living alone in a small jungle cabin, completely off the grid — waking up early, doing yoga and meditation, sipping tea, tending to an organic garden, cooking simple meals, going for long walks in nature, sleeping a lot, and spending my free time reading. No internet, no mobile phones, no Instagram reels, no people to irritate me.

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I don’t know how long a person can live like that. I wonder — would I get bored easily and long to return to my busy life in Mumbai, or would I finally find my Zen and live that way forever? I was deeply influenced by the movie Into the Wild, though the ending was tragic.

Some days, I feel exhausted by daily chores; on other days, I feel incredibly energetic. Am I getting old? Is this due to perimenopause? I feel a heaviness — an emotional heaviness. Some days, nothing seems to matter, while on other days, every small thing perturbs me.

This year, I took on so many projects that I now feel overwhelmed and exhausted. A few things have been rewarding, but mostly, it’s been draining. Most days, I feel as if I’ve wasted my life, my time, and my education — that I’ve achieved nothing. Yet, deep down, I know that isn’t true. I’ve done many meaningful things in life, had amazing experiences, and, most importantly, faced every challenge head-on.

I’ve been a fighter all my life, and perhaps as I grow older, I’m finally feeling the weight of all the battles I’ve fought. The endless struggles have left me weary — and that jungle cabin somewhere in the Himalayas feels like my only hope for rejuvenation.