You are not alone.

I get it—you don’t like talking about a loved one deconstructing because, well, all kinds of reasons. Perhaps you’re not entirely sure what the word means. Maybe you’re trying to respect this person’s privacy. (A noble thing, to be sure.) Maybe—more likely—it’s because it hurts.

You have all these shoulds and self-condemnation running through your mind: I should have prayed more; I was too rigid and didn’t encourage asking questions; I was a bad witness to the people I...