People are always asking me how I maintain my fantastic physique.

Hahaha no they aren’t. And “fantastic” would not be accurate. Like many a middle-aged woman who has borne children (two at once, in my case!), I’m not exactly killing it in the abdominal region. I have a belly, and her name is Sheila. We have fun.

But I am fairly fit and trim overall. I run, I hike, I go to an indoor climbing gym twice a week, I do some yoga. I eat fairly healthily for the most part, though I have a hard time resisting a good dessert or a nice cold glass of white wine. Or fresh bread. God, do I love bread.

Alas, the ole metabolism isn’t getting any faster, and I have no intention of starving myself (been there, done that). Then there’s the whole losing-muscle-mass thing that happens as we age, which I’m not thrilled about. I have mountains to climb, suitcases to carry, and jars to open. Also, strength = balance = not falling and hitting your head on the edge of the sink and bleeding out right there on the cold tile floor of your bathroom, alone.

So, I decided it was time to up my exercise game a bit. But not by suddenly hitting the gym five days a week or taking up triathalons or some such ridiculousness. I’m a busy lady. And I actually find exercise for exercise’s sake really boring. (Thank God for audiobooks and podcasts or I’d never go running.)

Moreover, I believe in making small, manageable changes when it comes to self improvement of any sort, for the optimal chance of success.

Therefore, I have added two very simple things to my exercise routine:

1) I do almost daily ten-minute dumbell workout videos on YouTube.

This is the perfect example of aiming low. If I resolved to do a 30- or even 20-minute workout video every day, there’s no way I’d stick to it. Even 15 minutes might be pushing it. But 10 minutes? I can do anything once a day for ten minutes!

And what’s great for someone like me, who finds pure exercise tedious and craves novelty in all things, is that there are zillions of ten-minute dumbell workouts on YouTube. They range wildly in quality and production value—and this is part of the fun.

Sometimes you get multiple camera angles, excellent sound, quality graphics, a well-lit setting, and a clearly professional-seeming instructor. And then sometimes you get a beefy dude in front of his RV who does a lot of grunting. Or a woman in what may well be her parents’ basement, who starts with weights that are too heavy for her and therefore has to keep stopping in the middle of rounds of reps. (I wish I could re-find this video…it was hilarious, and delightfully human.)

His video is called “The BEST 10 Min Full Body Dumbbell Workout PERIOD.” Not sure I’d agree, but it was entertaining for sure.

A strangely high percentage of the ten-minute workout instructors seem to be from English-speaking countries other than the US. Sometimes I can tell right away what their accent is, but other times I am totally baffled. South African, but has lived in Ireland for 20 years? Australian, but is married to a Frenchman and has a speech impediment? Who knows. I just love all the different ways they say “feel that burn!” Fill thet barn! File thayt beern! Furl thit bine!

“Kip it op! Yure doying GRITE!”

Do I actually do one of these workout videos every single day? No. But most days. Has this made any difference in my overall fitness / strength / tone / etc.? Yes, a little bit, for sure. It has definitely improved my climbing, especially when it comes to core strength. Which is nice.

2 . We got walking pads.

Some couples take up pickleball when their kids leave home. We’ve taken up walking in place.

Also known as desk treadmills, walking pads are the bottom part of a treadmill, without the rails or front console to hold onto. So you have to have decent balance and a little courage to make it work. The upside is, you can move it around and stash it away when you’re not using it, so it doesn’t just become a big, guilt-inducing clothes rack in the corner of your bedroom. There are even some that fold, apparently.

The man in motion. He would like you to know that he averaged 11K steps a day over this past week.

We got the first walking pad on Facebook Marketplace for 75 bucks, and bought a basic standing desk with wheels. So, now we walk in place while working at our computers or even just watching TV. We liked it so much that we got a second one to put upstairs in my office.

It took a little getting used to; there are some things, like writing Substack pieces, I can’t seem to do while walking. But more rote work, absolutely. And I find it way less tiring than just standing.

This walking pad thing was borne of a theory I had, based on a long-time phenomenon: I lose weight almost every time I go on vacation. (Don’t hate me!) Usually it’s just two or three or four pounds. But I’m only 5’3”, so it’s not nothing. I can see the difference even if nobody else can, and I can feel it in the waistbands of my pants. Even Sheila shrinks a tad. Why does this happen? My assumption has always been that it’s all the extra walking that generally comes with travel. (The kind I do, anyway.)

But it still always kind of blows my mind. Because I do not hold back when it comes to enjoying delicious food and beverage when I’m on vacay. When my husband and I went to Portugal early this fall, it was bread, cheese, meat, and wine up the wazoo. Same thing when I went to France two years ago. FRANCE! Baguette and butter, pastries, crêpes, steak-frites, more cheese, more wine.

Hell, I somehow even managed to lose weight while on a cruise—a cuise that had Cake Night! With like 12 different kinds of cake available! (How could I try any less than three?) But apparently the shore excursions we did and walking back and forth on the ship all day canceled it out—and then some.

So my theory was that if I significantly increased the number of steps I took at home—on top of eating my normal, healthier diet, and my usual exercise routine—I might drop a few pounds.

But has this happened, after three weeks of treadmilling? Absolutely not!! Why, I ask you, WHY? Maybe it’s because I eat food made of better quality ingredients on vacations, especially in Europe, and that helps somehow? Maybe it’s because I’m more relaxed? Maybe it’s a cosmic joke? Who knows. But I’m going to keep walking anyway. And stick to skim milk in my coffee.

SO, there you have it. The lazy gal’s guide to maybe getting in slightly better shape in an attempt to stave off middle-aged spread.

Follow me for more easy, healthy lifestyle hacks!

Actually, no, don’t. But do at least try a 10-minute YouTube workout. If you don’t have weights, you can use a couple of large water bottles or household pets. Here’s the grunting RV guy again to get you started.

Enjoy!

All posts on Jane’s Calamity are free and publicly available, but writing is how I make my living—and AI is making it increasingly difficult. If you enjoy my work, I’d be deeply grateful if you would consider leaving me a one-time tip or upgrading to a paid subscription. Or, hey, buy my book! Either way, thank you, as always, for reading. xoxo

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P.S. Happy Thanksgiving. Here’s my favorite funny Thanksgiving video. Watch it as a reward after your workout.

P.P.S. The rest of the year is going to fly by, and a new year is a great time to start that book you keep meaning to write, or get feedback on your draft. I can help.