This one is reposted from my Medium blog.

Save Money, Die Better: Introducing the Combo MicroHome/Burial Plot for the Inflation Generation

Welcome to Happy Acres Forever Homes, where you can live — or not — forever!

That’s right, with one easy purchase you’ll never have to deal with the crushing anxiety of wondering how you’ll make your next rent or mortgage payment again! You’ll never fear eviction if you suffer an unexpected financial setback like losing your job or having to see a doctor. For a small investment (payment plans are available), you will have a place to live forever, guaranteed.

Our Story

One day our founder, Huey Richards the 4th, was perusing the news while meditating and doing Crossfit. After reading stories about the swelling costs of both funerals and housing, he had an epiphany: Why sell burial plots and homes in separate locations and force people to pay for both?

That’s when the idea of Happy Acres Forever Homes was born. Instead of purchasing a standard home, which is out of most people’s price range these days, consumers could buy a funeral plot to live in pre- and post-death.

FAQs:

You Expect Me to Live In A Coffin???

We get that question a lot! The answer is no, you won’t be living in a standard coffin. The entire plot you purchase is about 50 percent larger. One wall of your plot contains a microwave and refrigeration unit for food preparation. The other contains storage drawers for personal items.

Each plot opens with a smart door in the ground that slides out of your way, directly over the storage area. You will also receive one opaque SmartPlastic cover that extends ten feet over the plot when the door is open. This allows you to sit up, stand, and even jog in place in your new home. A cover with windows is available for a small upcharge.

So What Happens When You Actually…Die?

Once we have legal clearance to proceed with your burial, we will do so according to your written wishes (as stated on page 393 of the sales agreement). You will be asked to make a list of people you want to be invited to your funeral, and digital invitations will be sent out immediately upon confirmation of your demise. (Paper invitations are available for a small upcharge.)

Your personal belongings will be removed and distributed according to your last will and testament (required as noted on page 424 of the sales agreement). We’ll tell relatives why they were disinherited in your exact words for a small upcharge.

Is Combining A Cemetery and Housing Development Legal?

Yes, the Supreme Court has ruled it is legal in this particular case because we are not building on an old cemetery or disturbing the graves of the previously deceased. If all residents knowingly and willingly consent to being interred in their homes, we are not disrespecting the dead.

Isn’t Sleeping In A Cemetery A Little…Spooky?

If it bothers you, this may not be the forever home for you. However, most of our residents find it very peaceful. Nothing blocks out the sounds of noisy neighbors like cement and earth!

If you’d like to try before you buy, you can stay in one of our hotel plots for only $299 a night (prices subject to change).

How Do Your Prices Compare to A Standard Starter Home?

Our plots range from $10,000 to $25,000, depending on amenities. On the lower end, the price is similar to what your family would pay for a funeral after your passing. As you probably know, a standard starter home hasn’t been anywhere near that cheap since the Reagan Administration.

We require a $1,000 deposit upfront. You may pay the remaining balance in 1,000 easy installments of $9 or all at once, but to lock down our current prices, you should buy now.

We do offer financing at rates that fluctuate between 10.9% APR and 28.5% APR contingent on a credit check. If you can’t afford to live or die, Happy Acres offers a solution that allows you to do both affordably!

What If I Still Can’t Afford It?

We’re proud to partner with several educational institutions that will provide a small Forever Home stipend if you donate your body to science. This will typically cover up to twenty percent of the cost. Once the educational institution has learned all it can from your remains, they will be transferred back to your Forever Home. This may postpone your funeral for a year or more.

We can also facilitate an introduction to several enterprises that pay for egg, sperm, and fecal donations from living donors. There will be a small finder’s fee for this introduction.

If you have harvested everything you can from your body and still can’t afford 1,000 easy installments of $9 a month, we do sell premium cardboard boxes at $100 a foot.

What If I Want to Buy A Forever Home For Someone Else?

Assuming this person is still alive, we will simply need them to sign some paperwork.

If they are not alive, there will be a significant upcharge for helping you dispose of the body.

Just kidding, if the person is already deceased, we will need a death certificate, or we’ll be contacting the proper authorities. Our lawyers want us to make it super clear that we will not in any way assist in the commission of a crime!

But seriously, a Happy Acres Forever Home makes a great gift for friends and relatives!

Why Would Anyone Want to Live Like This?

Do you want to move out of your parents’ house, like, ever? Can you afford it any other way?

Is It True I Will Sometimes Be Locked In My Home?

Residents are not permitted to enter or exit their microhomes during standard cemetery hours, but you will not be locked in. There will be a fine of $500 if you are spotted outside your home during visiting hours. This is only to prevent another “zombie panic” like last year. Thanks a lot, Carl.

Where Am I Supposed to Shower or Use the Bathroom?

You can shower any time it rains outside of cemetery hours. For privacy, you can purchase a shower curtain attachment for your SmartPlastic cover. Shower curtains are sold separately.

Our housing development is within walking distance of several businesses with public restrooms. Relieving yourself on cemetery grounds is strictly forbidden, and there is a $5,000 penalty for the first infraction. The second will result in eviction.

What If I Want to Get Married or Have Kids?

Let’s get real here: If you’re buying a coffin-sized home, you can’t afford luxuries like a wedding or a package of diapers.

However, most people find their Forever Homes roomy enough to spend the night with a partner. And here at Happy Acres, we value your privacy — if the coffin’s a-rockin’, we don’t come a-knockin’!