Let’s talk about Thanksgiving — that annual ritual of turkey, travel, and tension. For many, it’s less a celebration of gratitude and more an endurance sport in emotional contortion. Families gather, old patterns resurface, and before you know it, you’re twelve years old again, explaining your life choices to Aunt Martha, who still calls your ex “such a nice person.”

But here’s the thing: gratitude isn’t supposed to taste like guilt.

The holiday, at its best, is about appreciation — not obligation. Yet so many people show up because they should, not because they want to. As a relationship counselor, I see this all the time: we confuse compliance with love. We override our authentic selves for the sake of keeping the peace, and in the process, we abandon the very person we’re meant to honor — ourselves.

So, this year, what if you treated Thanksgiving as permission to thank yourself? To honor your sanity, your growth, your boundaries, and maybe even your brilliant decision to skip the family drama and order Thai food in your pajamas. There’s no cosmic rule that gratitude only counts if it’s served with stuffing.

Create your own rituals. Write a gratitude list that starts with me. Light a candle, take a walk, toast to the small victories — the moments you didn’t settle, the times you spoke your truth. That’s thanksgiving in its purest form: presence without pretense.

And if you find yourself alone, remember — solitude isn’t failure, it’s freedom with good lighting. You can create your own Friendsgiving, or join one. There’s something deeply nourishing about breaking bread (or pumpkin pie) with chosen family — the people who see you, not just your résumé of holiday attendance.

The real feast isn’t the meal, it’s the mindset. Take what feeds you — warmth, laughter, a long nap — and leave the rest on the metaphorical buffet. The world doesn’t need another martyr to tradition. It needs people brave enough to be honest about what actually fills them up.

So, this Thanksgiving, help yourself — literally and figuratively. Pass the pie, hold the guilt, and give thanks for the one person you can count on to know what you truly need: you.

Get my free guide, “How to Ask for What You Need,” right here.

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