I don't like the direction Taking Nicky is going. Suddenly Vance is showing up and filling Rett in on how stupid he's being, planning to do a practice run on Smoke but also take a well-known model/actor. I wanted to have Vance get involved in a much more organic way, sneaking around in the shadows so you don't know what he's up to...

But now it's like the story is stepping back from being cold, cruel and vicious in order to be self-indulgent. Rett and Vance are chatting in a Hollywood Bistro and Vance already knows too much about what's going on, which would make Rett seriously wary of Ben and Liam. And rightfully so, since that's the only way he could have learned of Rett's plans.

I may need to cut 1500 words to regain my intentions...and maybe even restart the whole 9th chapter...

Or is it 8th?

Whatever. I just can't handle it, right now.

The get-together at Kelly's grave can't happen on the 23rd because a couple members of the family won't be able to make it. So they are shifting it to the 20th. I was expected to go along with this and change my ticket, but I won't. It may seem silly, but the 23rd is my mother's birthday, and that is when I want to be there.

I'm not going to pray or weep or anything. The notion that there is a God left me long ago, after I read the full bible, cover to cover. It's an amazingly horrific book in so many ways. The teachings of Jesus are good as a foundation for living a decent life, but it all really boils down to doing unto others as you want them to do unto you. Plain and simple.

But a guy in the sky who's capricious and sadistic? Count me out. I think once we die that's it.

But if there is a God, he'll need to ask my forgiveness for the evil he's allowed in the world.