I woke up at 3:00 AM — a fairly regular occurrence for me — and scheduled a massage. Do I normally get massages? No. Pretty sure my last one came courtesy of a work trip to a golf resort a few years ago. But thanks to being relegated to my apartment by below zero temperatures, unrelenting snow, and what increasingly feels like a midlife crisis that’s left me feeling like a boat bobbing along without direction, my body feels like garbage. This is my fault. I’m sitting around, eating potato chips,...