18 minutes of us talking about the trans, our relationship, being goth kids, and various other things.

Here’s a short piece I wrote about the experience of doing this interview, too.

A couple of weeks ago, I got flown to NYC to be interviewed, with Rachel, about our relationship. As you might know, Rachel and I have talked about our relationship on and off for 25 years. We don’t do it a lot anymore; there are a lot more trans couples in the world, and right now our focus is on her acting career. We spend a lot of time apart as a result, which is what it is: mostly difficult. So a week together that came out of the blue was so welcome.

That we walked away more in love with each other is only the start. It was so important: we were about to spend months apart, and of course because we have been together for a long time, and we both tend to take our love for each other – and our partnership – for granted. And that, friends, is a luxury.

What was even cooler was that everyone involved was trans. Both folks on the cameras. The person asking the questions behind the third camera. The person who got us coffee. It was a room full of talented trans people, which is my favorite place to be. It felt so safe, and so affirming. We’ve both been on camera – alone and together – many, many times, and I don’t think either of us has ever felt so seen and respected.

We both know – and feel – very lucky for having met. We are both so deeply loyal, but more importantly, we’ve let the changes in our relationship go unimpeded. We wanted and needed it to change so that we could be together in a way that wasn’t stifling or predictable.

They asked what we like to do together and I’m still thinking about our blank faces and our answer: not really anything in particular, but also everything. We like being in the same room/apartment/house. We like doing our own things in those spaces, with moments where we share something we’re excited about, or blown away by, or even angry about. (Arguably that last one is mostly me; she is not an angry person, and she calls me The Angriest Woman in the World.) We both like getting dressed up. We both love clothes, spa days, getting smarter, cats, being in bars.

We love each other’s art, support each other’s ambitions, make space for each others’ regrets and fears, and we are, ultimately, each other’s biggest fans.

We are, as ee cummings for it, for each other. (I read that poem as my wedding vow, and it gets truer by the year.)

I am so looking forward to the final product, and to seeing the other interviews – seven other couples were interviewed – and I hope, for each one of you, that you find some kind of love that sustains you and makes you feel both kinder and more powerful than you can imagine, because that’s what we have, and we want it for every single one of you.

Love from your not-oldest-interviewed-but-longest-together couple, Helen & Rachel