Baal Quotes
Though I think the whole series is amazing, most readers adore Baal and consider him the best part of the story. Some are so bold as to think he deserves his own prequel :)
Here are some of his more memorable conversations...
This is only a minuscule sampling. It is true. He steals every scene he is in.
Here are some of his more memorable conversations...
“You could merely drop me in some remote village and walk away for a day. That is always an option.”
“No, Baal!” both of them shout in unison.
“Okay, okay. Just a thought. If you want close, we can catch a caravan through Rida, hope some raiders attack and be back here by Tobe.”
“Isn’t there a rat king in Rida?” Estre asks.
“He was actually a mouse. He is long gone now,” Baal answers.
“What? There is no way. I was only joking. Wouldn’t he be rodentia?”
“It was long before humanity split. He ruled the world from two different castles. More if you count Ropa or Asa, but no one ever does. It is all true. If I am lying, then let my nose grow and sprout leaves.”
“Wait, a minute. If humanity had not split, how was he a mouse? And you don’t even have a nose!”
“I didn’t expect these degenerates to be well-read.”
“Evil and education are not mutually exclusive,” Baal replies.
“They were cloaked much like you can hide yourself? You can do a lot of the same things. Are you the same?”
“We have similar features because we solve similar problems. It is like VHS versus Betamax, Mac versus PC, Xbox versus PlayStation, iOS versus Android, AC versus DC, Albian versus Sorta, or Qwerty versus Dvorak. These technologies offered different ways to solve the same problems. The superior one does not always win.”
This barrage of pre-Turning acronyms and names boggles her mind, but she thinks she understands.
“So are you the superior technology?”
“I like to think so. Try conversing with one of those jumpships and tell me what you think. Sure, they can blow things up, but they aren’t as fun at parties. Are we done with this line of questioning yet?”
“How is it that I could hear the manticore’s thoughts? Usually, you translate animals and monsters for me.”
“Yeah, I left the channel open this time.”
“Why don’t you do that all the time?”
“One, it is more expensive. Two, it is extremely annoying.”
“Annoying?”
“Yes, imagine if every cow, sheep, beetle, or bee could always talk to you? You would never get any sleep with the constant nagging. Especially the bees. I keep the channel closed for your sanity and mine.”
Izzy asks, “What is wrong with bees?”
“They are the worst. They are horny and pissed off all the time. Most resent that they were simply one meal away from living in the lap of luxury, being waited on by everyone else, and getting railed by every drone in the hive.”
Izzy bursts out laughing so hard that it brings tears to her eyes. Even through the pain of her destroyed nose and bruised shoulder, she can’t stop laughing at the thought of a bunch of horny bees pissed off about their lot in life.
“What? You don’t believe me?”
“I believe you. I do.” Izzy gasps for air, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “Please stop. I can’t take it anymore.”
“By the end of the season, after months of servitude, they are finally like, ‘F*ck it! I want to sting someone, anyone.’ Better to burn out than to fade away.”
“You are hilarious,” Izzy chuckles while Baal feigns seriousness.
“Though I appreciate the sentiment, nothing good can come from people knowing what I am. I am not an influencer. I do not seek views. I don’t want followers or admirers. Does the lion break cover to introduce themselves to the gazelle? Does the wolf remove the sheep mask and ask his prey to like and subscribe?”
“What does any of that mean? Like and subscribe?”
“I am a killer. I am a clown. At the end of the day, Isabelle, they are merely food.”
“You don’t mean that, Baal. You seemed perfectly okay with talking to Percival. You even made a joke.”
“Don’t tell me what I mean. I had no choice in the matter. Stick to our agreement, Izzy. You stay on your side of the psyche as the good little girl, and I will stay on mine as the destructive force of evil. And above all else, keep us a secret!”
“Fine!” Izzy shoves Baal into his scabbard forcefully. What is his problem?
This is only a minuscule sampling. It is true. He steals every scene he is in.
Published on April 06, 2026 07:41
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Tags:
sword-sorcery-dark-fantasy
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