An Interrogation: Bradford Style

An R.L. Mathewson Chronicle

“You’re late,” came the announcement, followed by a disappointed sigh that drew his attention to the dining room table and felt his lips twitch as he took in the adorable six-year-olds waiting for him.

“My apologies,” Devin murmured absently, dropping his bag by the door as he took in the clipboards in their hands, the selection of crayons laid out on the table in front of them, the oversized coffee mugs filled with what looked like chocolate milk, and felt his lips twitch as he took in the neckties tied loosely around their necks.

“Have a seat, please,” Abbi said, gesturing with an oversized red crayon to the chair across from them.
Curious to see what they were up to, Devin sat down, watching the way the twins noted something on their clipboards before glancing back up at him and-

“Your resumé?” Dustin asked with a pointed look at the empty spot in front of him.

“I didn’t know I needed one,” Devin said, only to frown when the announcement was met with a wince on Abbi’s face while Dustin wrote something down.

“That’s disappointing,” Abbi murmured as she glanced down at her clipboard.

“Agreed,” Dustin murmured in agreement.

“What exactly is going on?” Devin asked, watching as Abbi looked at something on Dustin’s clipboard.
“Tell us about yourself,” Abbi said instead with a pleasant smile that had Devin shifting nervously in his chair.

“I’m your father,” he pointed out, watching as Abbi simply sat there, blinking at him for another moment before she made a note of something on her clipboard.

“What’s your favorite dinosaur?” Dustin asked, drawing his attention to his son to find Dustin watching him curiously.

“That’s a good question,” Abbi murmured, nodding in agreement.

“T-Rex,” Devin said, only to watch as the twins winced in unison before writing something on their clipboards.

“What’s wrong with T-Rex?” Devin demanded.
“It looks like you’re trying too hard,” Abbi said with a pitying look and a sad shake of her head.

“It really does,” Dustin murmured in agreement as he went to make a note, shook his head, and switched out his blue crayon for a green one.

“It’s his favorite dinosaur,” Devin pointed out, gesturing to Dustin, who was still writing.

“Which is why you lost points,” Abbi said with a heartfelt sigh as she glanced back down at her clipboard and moved on to the next question.

“What’s your favorite ice cream?”

“Cookie dough ice cream,” Devin said, watching as the twins shared a look, shook their heads, sighed, and made a note of it.

“It’s your mother’s favorite ice cream,” he pointed out even as he couldn’t help but wonder where his wife was.

“She’s in her office waiting for our decision,” Abbi said, answering his unspoken question as she made another note.

“Decision about what?” Devin asked, sighing heavily as he rubbed his hands down his face only to go still when Dustin answered.

“Whether you’re good enough to marry our Mommy,” came the announcement that had Devin slowly dropping his hands away and staring at his children as he told himself that he’d misheard them.

“Why wouldn’t I be good enough to marry your mommy?” Devin demanded, only to narrow his eyes on his children when they sent him matching pitying looks, tsked under their breath and immediately wrote something down on their clipboards.

“We’re already married,” Devin reminded them as he pointedly held up his left hand, showing them the black wedding band on his finger.

“Which lost you points since you didn’t wait until we had a chance to interview you for this position,” Abbi said with a sad shake of her head and a heavy sigh as she reached for her mug of chocolate milk and took a sip.

“You were at the wedding,” Devin bit out with a glare that his children simply ignored before moving on with the interrogation.

“You never told us why you think that you’re good enough to marry our mommy,” Abbi pointed out.
“He also glared,” Dustin said, shaking his head as he made another note.

Nodding, Abbi said, “We should take points off for that.”

“And for the glare,” Dustin readily agreed, making him frown.

“How many points do I have left?” Devin asked, leaning over to try to get a look at their clipboards only to have the twins raise their clipboards higher, make another note and-

“Mommy’s really pretty and you’re...” Dustin said, letting his words trail off with a pitying look and an awkward gesture in Devin’s direction.

“You look just like me,” Devin reminded him, once again narrowing his eyes on his son only to have the twins share a look, shake their heads in unison and make another note.

“And the reason why you think that you’re good enough to marry our mommy?” Abbi asked, drawing his attention to find his little girl blinking at him.

“Because I love her?” Devin said, only to be met with blank stares.

“Why did that sound like a question?” Dustin asked, only to have his sister add, “I was wondering about that, too.”

Devin opened his mouth only to watch as the twins made another note, glanced at each other’s clipboards, winced, and sent him pitying looks. Realizing that this wasn’t going the way that he’d hoped, Devin cleared his throat as he shifted in his chair and asked, “What do you want?”

“What are you offering?” Abbi asked, meeting his gaze with a curious look that gave him hope.

“Fluffiness,” Devin said, watching as his daughter went still.

“I’m listening,” Abbi said, gesturing for him to continue with the red crayon in her hand.

“The petting zoo this weekend,” Devin said before shifting his attention to his son and added, “And I’m willing to overlook the fact that you left me out of your plans for world domination.”

“Mommy already promised to bring me,” Abbi murmured as she made another note.

“But did she promise to give you extra quarters to feed the deer?” Devin asked, watching as Abbi’s crayon went still on the clipboard.

“I don’t believe there was mention of extra quarters,” Abbi said, clearing her throat before she finished making a note and looked back up at him.

“And the bunny enclosure?”

“That’s not part of the petting zoo,” Devin said, unable to help but frown only to end up biting back a curse when the announcement was met with another sad shake of her head as Abbi made another note.

Licking his lips nervously, Devin blurted out, “Ice cream.”

“This is just getting sad,” Abbi murmured, making another note.

“I think we have everything we need,” Dustin said, sighing heavily as he pushed his chair back and stood up.

“He didn’t give us kisses when he got home,” Abbi pointed out, which was immediately met with a tsk and another note.

“You didn’t give me a chance,” Devin pointed out almost desperately as he watched his baby girl stand up.

“We’ll let you know our decision in the morning,” Abbi said with a forced smile that really said it all.

“You don’t think I’m good enough to marry your mother,” Devin said accusingly as he slowly stood up and glared down at his twins.

That was met with more sighs, another note, a pitying look, and an absently murmured, “We’ll get back to you,” as the twins made their way to the living room, leaving him standing there, seething as he watched them go only to frown when a small chime drew his attention. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and-

“She’s lucky to have me!” Devin snapped when he saw the text deducting points because he didn’t compliment their crayon choices.


Chronicle inspired by Finally: A Neighbor from Hell Novel :)