The Olympic Ceremony celebrated British life and traditions last night.

Why didn't we see a cameo about UK judges and barristers abducting children and the British police, politicians and media covering it up?

They should have got a posse of judges, in full wig and regalia getup, snatch the children out of their beds, wrap them in the foreign flags of the competing nations and ceremoniously hand them over to foreign dignitaries with distraught and pleading parents crawling on hands and knees begging behind them.

This was a show about the life of ordinary British people after all.