Most of you who know me either personally, or through my writings know I talk a lot about my mom who passed away four years ago. With that being said, it hit me this morning that I spend so much time talking about the loss of my mom, that it left little time to talk about my dad. When I was growing up, my dad was my extra shoulder. Mama was the strict one actually, the one who spanked, who grounded, who scared the living daylights out of me. I laugh now, but if I did something wrong, I would panic knowing the b-jesus was about to get slapped out of my booty. My mom was the punisher indeed in my household, and my dad was the one who spanked me once then cried. That should tell you a lot. If I got in trouble, I knew daddy would be there to hug and let me hang my little head on to cry saying, "it's okay baby." As I grew up, of course I knew better than to cross either one of my parents and simply wanted to make them proud. Mama and daddy became two of my rocks as I grew from a crazy teenanger into a woman, and they would suffer with me as I faced lost loves, bad decisions and everything in between. But the good memories thankfully linger better than the ones where I made mistakes. I recall just about every Christmas morning, where my dad would head to the coffee pot, scratching his armpits and my mama would say, "be patient. You can open presents after daddy gets his first cup of coffee." I recall the excitement of birthdays and how much we put into every single one. I recall many nights of hiding out in my room talking on the phone or hanging with friends...something I now wish I'd spent less time doing and more time hanging with my parents. I suppose somehow when we are growing up we don't realize until a certain point in life that things don't last forever. How I wish sometimes I could go back and just sit and talk to mama and daddy and really listen. I wish I could help mama with dinner more, and help daddy outside. But I can't wish, which brings me to my point today. My daddy came over this morning for coffee and a crossword. We have this tradition of getting together and working a crossword, but having him at my house and talking and laughing somehow today it hit me that this man...my dad...was so special. I have always loved my dad. We've always been close, but at certain times in life you realize the importance of the people in your life. I tear up thinking how much he really means to me. I tell him every day that I love him because I know life is not forever, yet I pray to God he really knows the depth of my love. My dad and I will again take our daddy/daughter trip to Georgia this Fall and visit my mama's grave and go to a football game as we do every year. I pray now that he knows how thankful I am for being able to do that, and how much this special time means. My mama and daddy were married for most of my life. When my mama died four years ago, a part of my daddy's heart died. I was with him most everyday and though I was in such a state of sadness over her loss, part of that hurt was over watching him cry for her. Growing up you see, my dad could always make the pain I experienced lessen. Yet here I was, feeling hopeless for this man I idolized. Though I spent a lot of time with him, nothing I could say or do could give him his smile back...a smile I'd seen for years that he lost the day mama died. That was until he found that love was possible again, and that is the love of Anne. Anne and my dad and mom and Anne's husband had all known one another for over forty years, and after my mama died...about a year later Anne and my dad reconnected. Anne's former husband had passed away also, and a new love story found its place between my dad and Anne. If you had asked me growing up if I could picture my daddy with anyone but my mom, I'd say no way. Absolutely not. My mama was an inticral part of my life. We were best friends. I spent several days per week with her, and even helped take care of her when she became ill. But with Anne, it was like a new spirit had been lifted with dad and myself. She gave him his smile back, and for that I could never repay her. I can't further explain how much I love my dad, or how greatful I am he is not alone. Many days, dad would come to my house and my heart would hang heavy when he would leave to go back to what was his and my mama's house. But when my daddy left today, it hit me that I needed to take a moment and show gratitude for the people in my life. There are too many people for me to mention as I would take all day, so today I focus on my daddy, and pray he knows deep down how much he is truly loved.
Published on August 15, 2012 11:18
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