In 1997 I started writing movie reviews for an online magazine. I had always liked movies, but from that moment on they became my passion. I went to the movies 2 – 3 times a week and immersed myself in different kinds of movies. When I met The Shadow, I was of course intent on keeping that passion alive.

In the beginning I didn’t have any problems. I kept going to the movies and writing reviews. The Shadow was even proud of my work and read all my articles. And then one Saturday evening it all changed.

I had arranged to go to the movies with some of my friends who also wrote for the same magazine. The Shadow was in a bad mood, because he hadn’t been invited. This invitation was strictly for people who wrote for the magazine. But when he discovered that all these friends were male, he became furious. We had such a terrible fight about it that I had to cancel my appointment.

The fact that I had male friends was too much for him. Gradually I had to stop seeing all male friends. But even when I had done that, he didn’t calm down. Because of a lack of (mutual) trust, his jealousy developed into paranoia. Whenever I went out – alone or with female friends – he bombarded me with text messages and telephone calls. On the other hand, when he went out with friends and disappeared for one or two days, he became furious when I tried to find out where he was.

At the end of our relationship he had become so paranoid that I had actually lost all of my personal freedom. I didn’t go out anymore. I didn’t go to the movies anymore. I had lost my passion, because somehow in my mind the concept of “movies” had become connected with “his paranoia”.

The same happened with cooking. I love to cook and I love to experiment in the kitchen. Before I met The Shadow I regularly invited friends at home and I cooked a whole menu for them. I discovered the delights of many cuisines via cookbooks and magazines.

But when you live with a partner who is jealous, you invite less people. At the end of our relationship the only people who were welcome were his friends. Now, I try to be very open-minded, but unfortunately I didn’t get along with these people. I don’t like people who use napkins to wipe their nose. I don’t like people who steal stuff from my apartment while I am busy in the kitchen. I don’t like people who become so drunk that they fall off their chair.

I lost interest in cooking, also because The Shadow was hardly at home whenever I came home in the evenings. Maybe his mistress was a better cook … And cooking when you are alone is not exactly fun. So, another passion was ignored. I hardly ever came into the kitchen anymore.

But that is the past. This is the present. The Shadow is gone. I have a soul mate with whom I am very happy. A soul mate who would love to go to the movies with me. A soul mate who is curious about my recipes. A soul mate who is not jealous. And who doesn’t have a mistress.

In the beginning of this week, I made tuna lasagne. And it felt great! It felt great to be in the kitchen again! To mix ingredients and see them being transformed in a meal. A delicious meal. And maybe we’ll go to the movies this weekend!

It looks like I have to fit two new activities in my busy lifestyle. But I don’t complain. What has been taken away from me has come back. My personal freedom. My passions. Trust.