A recent theme in my office has been people frustrated with spouses, boy or girlfriends, bosses, parents and kids because they don't seem to be willing to change.  People only change when they are uncomfortable.  Big changes require BIG discomfort.  Expecting a person to change when they're comfortable, getting what they want, it's your idea or can't see a reason is really frustrating.  It's also counterproductive.  If someone is not motivated to behave differently or see things differently, there is no force in heaven or earth to make that happen.

That means it's up to you to contemplate several of things:
    First:  Take a look at your own motivations for seeking change in someone else.  Is it to make you happier at their expense?  Do they agree with your assessment of what's wrong?  What do you really want?
    Second:  Once you've decided your motives are pure, consider the magnitude of what you're asking and the time frame in which you hope it will be accomplished.  Lose 100 pounds in a week?  Quit drinking and smoking at the same time? Fall in love with me?  Those are big goals with short time frames.  If you want someone to share your objectives, you need to be respectful of their challenges.
    Third:  So you are pure and reasonable.  Have you asked for what you want in a kind, thoughtful, respectful way?  No nagging.
    Fourth:  You're pure, reasonable and respectful.  Now we have to add understanding.  Are you being compassionate and empathetic?
    Fifth:  So now you've fulfilled all your obligations.  Don't threaten or make ultimata.  They rarely work.  Instead, create a reasonable timetable for accomplishment of the change and work with the person to set goals, both intermediate and long term.  Use professionals' skills if you need to: interventionist, therapist, lawyer, accountant.
    Finally:  Nothing has worked.  It's time to figure out where you stand.  Stay and put up with it?  Leave and be done?  Let the person sink without you throwing them a life ring?  Only you can make this decision.

Change is hard.  Somebody very wise said:  There can be disruption without change but there can be no change without disruption.  I would add:  or consequences.  Sometimes consequences are excellent.  Sometimes not so much.  But cha