DRUNKEN DIVA DEAD

Whit Euston, boozing drug addict and former singer, has been found dead in a pool of sick and surrounded by bottles and white powder. Police are baffled as to the cause of death.

Tributes have poured in as showbiz stars who never knew her rushed to their laptops to post expressions of their deep grief on Twitter.

Justin Timeforanother, aged 15, tweeted “Although I never knew the old slapper my agent has told me that her music touched me in a way I’d only previously touched myself.”

Cliff Davis spoke to the assembled press and television news wiping tears from his eyes “I’d booked her to open at my pre-granny party tonight but now that she’s corpsed I’m going to have to get some other karaoke artist in.”

Bobby Brown-Split who was married to Whit for several years without beating her up once or getting her illegal drugs said, “I’ve lost the love of my life, my gravy train and punch bag.”

Some old crooner who had a couple of hits decades ago said, “First Michael, then Whine-house and now Whit. Why is it that all the drug and alcohol abusers with diminishing audiences and record sales die young?”

Anonymous friends who had partied with her shortly before she was found dead said that her last words were only of love. One quoted her as saying, as she lay in the bath gripping a bottle of Jack Daniels “I love you so much. You are my best friend.”

The source was unclear as to whether she was talking to the friend or the bottle she was gripping.