Two years ago, as of 30th September, I gave up my day job, basically because I could. Now I must admit that since then I have, as they say, let things go a bit. Sitting at a laptop, all-you-can-eat American buffets and a distinct lack of exercise do not create a healthy lifestyle. Mind you, it's a bloody good one. Or is it? I recently starting swimming regularly at my local pool. This sudden burst of energy was, I must admit, heavily influenced by visits to my GP surgery and conversations and blood tests related to.....how can I put it.....being overweight. High Blood Pressure, Cholesterol and the risk of developing Diabetes in later life were not regularly topics on my list of subjects to talk about. Yes I knew that I had expanded. It was buying shorts that were two inches bigger round the waist that gave me a clue.

If you measure your weight and height on the Body Mass Index (BMI) chart, you can find out if you are underweight, normal, overweight or obese. The latter basically means fat. This week I was subjected to a glucose tolerance test. That involved fasting. Now this is no mean feat. Going without coffee and food from 10.00pm until the end of the test some 14 hours later is no joke. The test measures, as it says on the tin that you not allowed to open, your body's tolerance to glucose. Now the two needles taking blood at the start and finish were not too bad, nor was the actual glucose drink itself. What really killed me was sitting in the waiting room for two hours on a hard chair. Doctors waiting rooms are not designed for patients staying that long on a regular basis.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I am a member of a group that is not on Facebook. There is a group of people who are potentially at risk of developing Diabetes and I am a fully fledged member of that group. Now you can impress your friends with your membership of some groups, but this one doesn't really enhance your street cred. So, I have been advised to exercise regularly and cut out large 'seconds'. I have therefore rediscovered my love for swimming. I have been told that it will soon have the pounds dropping off me. No longer hippo, more hip.


Getting to my point, I try to go swimming as often as I can now and I find that early morning is a much quieter time. I am usually accompanied by a handful of sensible adults, many of retirement age, who enjoy gliding up and down the pool trying to keep fit. Some glide faster than others. Now it is an inevitable curse of nature that, as you get older, you gain a bit. Middle-aged spread is the old-fashioned term for it. Also as you get older, exercise is less inviting. But needs must, as they say.

It is no great surprise that in any group of people there will be a cross-section of body shapes. I do admire anyone who willingly enters a swimming pool and exposes (withing the levels of decency) their body for all to see. Having said that, young adult females in bikinis can be a bit of a distraction. What really sends a shiver down my spine is the sight of a mature, obese gentleman entering the pool wearing Speedos. They are by design meant to be figure-hugging and when that means pushing your fat over the top, it is not a good look.

Now there will be some who will argue that Speedos are designed to be aerodynamic, or whatever, but some people I've seen actually swim slower than I can walk. I wear Bermuda shorts and when the mood takes me and the pool resembles a mill pond as opposed to the North Sea during a gale, I can achieve quite a pace, albeit breastroke. So, my plea today is this. If you are somewhat larger than is good for you, please consider wearing something less harsh on the eye.

My intention here is not to be ageist, fattist, or any other 'ist', I am merely expressing my view on what I think is a wardrobe malfunction. I would not wish to open a can of worms. There might be a risk that I would start eating the contents. In the meantime, I leave you with a little reminder of why I took up swimming.