Dance in the Shadows

Chapter 1

I believe school was made for kids like me. We were the throw away kids. We were the ones who could only get relief from the everyday horrors of home life by going to school. I looked forward to the first day of kindergarten but kept my excitement to myself. If mama had known that I was going to enjoy it, she would have found a way to keep me home. Joy in my life was not encouraged.

As we walked into Mrs. Ross’s home room, I hide behind mama. I may have been excited, but I was also terrified. I had never had a playmate or interacted in any way with other kids. A shyness I did not know I had made itself known that day. It pleased mama a great deal that I was afraid. It seemed to give her some kind of satisfaction. She had to drag me from behind her and physically put me in an empty chair near the middle of the class room. She smiled at the teacher and exchanged a few words with her. Than mama turned to glare at me before she left the room.
I swallowed hard as I looked around at my surroundings. There was so much to look at that it made my head dizzy. ABC’s lined the top of wall near the ceiling while cut out animals played around the lower walls. There were cubby holes and coat hooks, mats and pillows. Suddenly there were other children who skipped, laughed and talked as they crowded into the room. A bell rang outside the door and the other kids rushed to find their desks. I couldn’t move, so amazed was I by all that the noise.
Mrs. Ross clapped her hands together and the room went silent. She smiled as she took a sheet of paper from her desk and started to read names. She instructed us to reply “present” as she read them out. It wasn’t long before she came to my name. She did not read my name out as I waited my turn to whisper “present”.
“There must be a mistake in spelling. Is there a Jinx Joelee Monroe here?”
“Present,” I whispered. Mrs. Ross looked over at me.
“Your name is Jinx, honey?”
“Yes Mrs. Ross,” I replied.
She stared down at the paper once more. Mrs. Ross remained silent for a few minutes before she continued down the list. When she had finished what she said was “roll call”, Mrs. Ross set the paper on her desk and walked toward where I sat. I flinched as she squatted down beside my chair. A strange look crossed her face as I straightened up.
“Jinx, do you mind if we all just called you by your initials?”
I was a very smart child for I knew what initials meant. But I did not understand why she would want to use them. She must have seen the confusion on my face for she rushed to explain herself.
“I think it would be so much easier if we could call you Jay-Jay.”
I looked Mrs. Ross in the eye then. I smiled a little I nodded my head yes. I didn’t tell her that my mama named me that for a reason. I was just pure bad luck.
From that day on I would become Jay-Jay at school. It was months before mama found out about it and demanded a conference with the teacher. I don’t know what was said that day between mama and Mrs. Ross. I got a good beaten when she got home, but I got to keep the name.
A new world had opened up for me when I became old enough to go to school. I made friends even though I was not allowed to go to their house after school or them to mine. For some reason, it did not matter. My name was Jay-Jay Monroe and I had friends.

School was heaven as far as I was concerned. I learned fast and loved every moment of it. I was free for a few hours a day and didn’t have to look over my shoulder all the time. Marie Lane became my best friend. Marie was beautiful to me with her long curly blond hair and china blue eyes. When she laughed, which was a lot, everyone laughed with her. I was the quiet one while Marie was out going and fun. She would sit and braid my long dark brown hair at recess while she told me she wished her eyes were green like mine. I thought she just said that to be nice. After all, mama said I was not a pretty girl at all.

One day, a lady had come up to us in the grocery store.
“What a beautiful little thing you are. You have such big eyes and shiny dark hair.” She said to me.
Mama stood in front of me with a tight smile on her mouth. I knew that smile. I had seen it so many times before. It was not a “good things are going happen smile.” So I looked down at my feet and tried to become smaller.
“Thank you,” she said to the woman.
Mama reached out behind her, jerked my arm and marched away. I looked back at the nice lady who had a sad frown on her face.
“You don’t need to get too full of yourself Jink. That woman only said that to be nice. She realized you weren’t much to look at and just wanted to make you feel good.”
“Daddy says I’m pretty mama.” I should have kept my mouth shut.
I told Mrs. Ross the next day that I ran into the bedroom door. I don’t think she believed me but she did not ask again.

Halfway into the school year, Mrs. Ross made an announcement. She clapped her hands to get our attention to the front of the room.
“Class, I want to introduce a new student.”
We all looked at the boy standing by her side. His hair was as dark as mine with eyes to match. He looked around the room before his eyes lit on me and he grinned. I knew then that even at the tender age of 6, this boy would be my other best friend.
“This is Johnny Mclean. He is from New York. Say good morning. I expect you will all get better acquainted at recess.”
I shivered as low and behold, she led him to the empty desk in the row opposite of mine.
“Hello gorgeous! Where’d you get the shiner? It’s awesome.” He whispered across the aisle to me as Mrs. Ross walked back to her desk. I didn’t answer as Mrs. Ross started to speak about drawing within the lines. This “shiner” was supposed to be from knocking heads with the dog. We did not have a dog. “Awesome.” Oh yeah, this one was for me.
At recess Johnny found me out on the playground where I sat on the grass while Marie braided my hair. Marie talked a mile a minute before she realized I did not hear her anymore. She jerked my braid a little as she looked to where my eyes had gone. I heard her giggle before she whispered in my ear.
“Put your eyes back in your head Jay-Jay, it’s embarrassing.”
“Shush Marie, here he comes.”
Johnny walked over as if he had been doing it all year long. He sat down beside Marie on the grass and leaned back on his hands. I waited, with my back to them, for him to speak. He didn’t. I finally looked back over my shoulder to see him stare at me.
“You know my name, so what’s yours?” He waved his hand in the air and he said, “I know the teacher called you Jay-Jay, but is that your real name?”
Marie giggled again but said nothing, which was unusual for her. I turned my back to both of them. I knew my face had turned red and I didn’t want him to see.
“Jinx Joelee Monroe,” I whispered. I rushed to get the words out of my mouth.
I hunched my shoulders and waited for him to laugh at me. My name had never bothered me like that before. The laughter didn't come and Marie no longer giggled. She had asked me once about my name and I was pretty short with her when I told her I was bad luck to whoever was around me. That day she got seven stitches in her chin when she slipped and fell while she pushed me in the swing. Marie never mentioned it again.
The silence between the three of us seemed to thicken. I was ready to turn back around and glare at him when he said,
“Cool, I like it.”
I turned around then and he was on his back on the grass, arms under his head as he stared at the sky. Marie looked at me and shrugged her shoulders. Johnny started to grin and whistle from between his teeth.
From that day on, we three became inseparable at school. Mrs. Ross called us “Thick as thieves.” She said it with a smile so I knew it was not a bad thing. Kindergarten has turned out to be the best place on earth.
Yet still, summer would come and school let out. I would be alone without my best friends and worst of all; I would be alone with mama. I guess being in the hospital, in a coma, most of that summer was best for me.