I’ve been on a kick of watching teen movies from when I was a kid. John Hughes largely, but other things as well. And I’ve noticed a disturbing trend that promises my life is passing me by without any hope at doing something amazing. Because movies have now taught me that you have two options for changing the world. Either everything happens at prom or everything happens at a sporting event. Assuming you’re either too old or disinclined to go to prom that becomes not an option, leaving only sporting events. Except I am not into karate and I don’t belong to a scrappy underdog sports team.

All hope is lost.

I did indeed go to prom as a teenager, it was vastly over rated, and nothing amazing happened. Sadly, there were no clique fights, there was no shock over who was crowned as queen, and there was no synchronized dance numbers. I think I was gypped. I’m pretty sure.

pictured-me being gypped

And maybe I could have been saved had I taken up karate or been the solitary girl on a team of gum chewing losers. But I don’t play sports and, aside from a short stint running track before I got kicked off the team for my sucky grades, I never have. I’m all out of options. If teen movies have taught us anything it’s that if you can’t make people dance for you when you randomly participate in a parade that you don’t actually belong in, you have no hope for the future at all.

So while you still can I recommend that you join the worst sports team you can find, or join in with a group of ragtag losers from the wrong side of the tracks who just want to dance. Because otherwise you’ll be consigned to life as an accountant or a stay at home mom. And no one wants to see that crap happen.

AMBER