To this point in my life I’ve been successful because I work harder than nearly anyone else that I know. When something needed to get done, I would simply put my head down and get it done. I didn’t mind working 20 hours in a row if need be. It was common or me to work all the way through the night, or to even go a whole day without eating. Not because I was fasting… but because I simply needed to get something done… a paper, a sermon, a bunch of emails, a book that needed to be read.

The problem with this is… I wouldn’t prioritize. I’d simply react to whatever was in front of me. I’d procrastinate on major projects for school, church, or family. Usually I was driven by a mix of different desires: Winning, not letting someone down, or not wanting to look bad. It doesn’t take a genius to realize that those are bad motivations.

The results were less than dazzling… I was often stressed, sick, and depressed. I would swing between fits of activity and would eventually crash into discouragement and frustration. Just when I would make one group of people happy, another group seemed disappointed. My family would seem ok, but my boss was frustrated. My friends were wondering why I wasn’t getting back to them, but I was doing great at work. Eventually I would crash. Get sick for a few days… sometimes a full week. Every time I would wonder… is there something wrong with me? Why do I get depressed all the time? Why can’t I seem to make anyone happy? Why is it that people are always frustrated with me?  

I started reading a few books that helped me make sense of these things… starting with the inside and moving out. I know not everyone reads as a way of life… but books have always helped me make sense of what’s going on in the inside of my heart and mind. They help give words to my feelings… here’s some that helped… I’m sure there are better one’s out there… but here’s the one’s that helped me:

Codependant no more: Melody Beattie

This book helped me to start seeing how co-dependancy works within our hearts… why we get like that… and how to get free.

Stress and Adrenaline and Thrilled to Death: Archibald Hart

I heard his name and work mentioned in a few talks… I picked up his books and began to realize how I was damaging my body through the pace of my life. That some of what has happening inside of me was simply biological… not spiritual or emotional. That my body simply wasn’t designed to work as many hours as I was working it… and that I had an addiction to the drugs inside my body. I “needed” to feel stressed and I was afraid to let myself “come down”… I would be forced to deal with the competing agendas in my head and heart.

The Ragamuffin Gospel: Manning and Co-dependent on Jesus: a talk by Jimmy Siebert

I began to realize that what I needed was to know I was loved completely by God… not because of what I did but because of what Jesus has done for me. Manning does a brilliant job of offending the Pharisee in all of us… he challenges us to believe that grace is exactly what the Bible says it is… free.

I also heard a talk by the pastor of Antioch Church in Waco, TX on being co-dependent on Jesus. I’d never thought of such a concept… but with what I had been working through in co-dependency with relationships… it really struck a chord. I WISH I COULD FIND THIS TALK.

Getting Things Done (GTD): David Allen

I started to re-align my life from the outside… taking responsibility for my life. This meant I needed a system by which I could organize my schedule, bank account, and communications (phone, email, etc..). This book helped me to match what God was doing on the inside with how my life worked on the outside.

The Power of Full Engagement: Loher and Sanchez

As I read this book I began to think through how my schedule should reflect my priorities. How important REST is in my life (I think that’s in the Bible.) I wanted to schedule to reflect my priorities of my life with God (1st), my family (2nd), and calling (3rd).  There were different essentials that were necessary as well… my physical, emotional, spiritual, and relational health. I needed to learn how to balance these within my schedule and budget accordingly. This book combined with the tools I learned from GTD, helped me plan out my life better.

Taking it to the limit: A sermon series by Andy Stanley

Andy preached out all of the different things I was learning in this series… he talked about the need for margin in our lives. I borrowed a lot of his material and combined it with the other things I was learning to preach a series on Margins at our church. I have preached a similar series nearly every year since… I think it is one of the most important things I could ever preach in our modern culture.

A Summary of what I learned:

1.       Sabbath is essential

The Bible talks about Sabbath because it’s important. It is a time for us to remember that we are worth more than what we produce (Deut 5:15), and that he is God and we are not (Genesis 2:2).

2.       Plan ahead

As a family we plan at least 4 months at a time. We put into our schedule: Date nights, Daddy/Mommy dates with each girl individually, dentist appointments, doctor check-ups, bday celebrations, prayer days, house cleaning, house projects, working out, dinner with friends (at home), dinner with friends (out), Personal free-time for each spouse, and more…

Planning this allows for Danielle and I to decide our “thresholds” and make the space to do what we value, and make the space for the things we know we need to get done. Sometimes we have to shift things around… but we are at least choosing to value each other and try to meet each other’s needs and desires. It also allows us to make better budgets.

3.       Get in shape- and stay in shape.

Just working out a couple times a week can change your life. Not only will you probably live longer, you sleep better and have a better emotional outlook. You don’t have to train for a marathon… just sweat a little… it helps.

4.       Stop thinking you’re so important.

When we work like crazy… don’t make time to laugh… neglect our families… and don’t take care of ourselves… we are do all of that because we think we are more important than we really are. I realized this when I was really sick for about 2 weeks (because I was driving myself into the ground) and I came back into the flow of life… only the realize that everything was fine.  My job kept going, my friends all managed, my car still worked… etc… It was a major blow to my ego. I realized that I didn’t need to run as hard as I was… and the world would go on without me.

5.       If you do less… you get more.

This is the hardest for me to remember… if I actually focus… and do less work… I get more done. Not only to I get more done… I get it done with better quality. If I can be disciplined enough to get the right “margins” in place… the rest gets done. To borrow from Andy Stanley,

“Priority determines capacity.”

Anyone that has packed a car for a long road trip knows this… it’s also true for your life… PUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN FIRST… and watch how “the rest” fits in around it.

6.       Stop making excuses… just do it.

Nuff said.

CS Lewis said something like this:

“It is only the lazy person that is busy, because he leaves the hard work of deciding what is important to others.”

There is a lot of things knew I was… lazy was not one of them. But now looking back… I was one of the laziest people I’ve ever known. I was willing to run around with my head chopped off instead of taking a minute to organize my soul and my schedule accordingly.

I hope that helps you… these are things that have really helped me.