We are 22 days into the new year and I've been sick for most of them. Never fear! It's not been a total loss. The countless hours of sniffling and couch surfing have afforded me the opportunity to make the following observations:


Soaking in the bathtub is far more boring than advertised.
Constant coughing has allowed me to fully explore the acoustic possibilities of the apartment.
Sneezing is much more satisfying if you cuss loudly while doing so.
Mexican Sprite has magic healing properties its U.S.-born counterpart lacks.
Saltines are possessed of a subtle and addictive deliciousness.
Chocolate tastes funny, yet I keep eating it.
Everything smells weird, which seems unfair, since I can't actually breath through my nose.
Watching an entire season of 30 Rock straight through can put you in a meditative trance. (A couple of shots of Robitussin also helps.)
“You may experience drowsiness.” Translation: You will hibernate until Spring.
Cats can sense your weakness and will take advantage.
Lying down on the bed is an invitation for the phone to ring.
Lying down on the couch is an invitation for the cat to walk across your face.
Lying down is a temporary state at best, as oxygen soon becomes an issue.
Without NyQuil, the entirety of human civilization would crumble.
The ultimate achievement of human civilization: Luden's Cherry Cough Drops.




Today's lesson: Wash often with soap and hot water. Cover your mouth when you sneeze or cough. Use lots of hand sanitizer. Tis the season to be germy.



Next: A treatise on the nature of art or beauty or something like that. I made some notes somewhere while in the depths of a cough syrup binge...