Learning It From Procrastin
Water splashes at his feet – again. A familiar sound came to him.
Bob Procrastin examined the wand he was carrying; tool of his trade, though it really wasn’t a trade.
The car honked its horn again and immediately Bob recalled what he was to do: Scrub the wheel, scrub the mirrors, then scrub the crud off his waterproof boots – the ones that cost $59.99.
Bob lifted his head to his cousin’s banner, and read it as it flapped in the misty wind, “Procrastin’s Discount Carwash – You Won’t Wait Here”
Joe Studente sat quietly at his desk, diligently working on his class assignment. It was Friday and only one more discussion post to go to meet the minimum online participation requirement. Joe’s weekend was about to start – free from work and free to enjoy the spoils of completing his work on-time.
Joe’s phone vibrated twice. It was Bob, his roommate; he was just climbing into his cousin’s car for the ride home.
“No. I ordered last week.” Joe texted back and then checked off the last item on his US 101 class syllabus.
“I didn’t get much this week.” Bob replied to the text.
Joe shook his head. He would have to get dinner, again. Bob is his oldest friend but his poor choices landed him a dead end job that paid close to nothing. He thought if they both enrolled in school, it would encourage Bob to earn a degree and get a better job – one that afforded him to pay for pizza.
Joe sighed, and then grinned. Bob was his friend. “I’ll order if you finish your class work, so we can go out this weekend.”
“Work?” Bob hesitantly replied.
The pizza arrived and Bob grabbed at the slices like a glutton should. Joe laughed and slapped his back, “You always grab the largest one!”
“Was it the largest?” Bob replied.
“If you looked before grabbing – you’d see…”
With a mouthful of pizza, Bob cut Joe off, “Yep – and its good.”
--
A chirp woke Bob up from his couch. He stumbled over the empty beer cans and grease saturated empty pizza boxes. The days collided together and he wasn’t sure if it was Friday night or Sunday morning. He couldn’t find his phone. He couldn’t find Joe. For the moment, he really needed to find the bathroom.
Bob heard a chirp again. It was from his laptop. The battery was low and it needed to be charged. He collapsed into his desk chair that sat across the desk from Joe’s and plugged the cord back into the back of his computer.
“Joe?” Bob called out, “Joe where you at, man? I think there was something I needed to do this week for school… where you at?”
Joe didn’t answer.
Bob’s computer beeped, this time, to alert him that a virus was discovered on his computer but he hadn’t responded to the command to delete or ignore. Bob clicked IGNORE.
“Let’s get this over with,” Bob said to no one, “I’m Jonesing for a good online game. My bros may be waiting for me.”
Bob logged into his student page and clicked on the classroom tab just as he realized it was Sunday; the last day of the school week. He clicked on the tab again. Nothing happened. He slapped the mouse button again and again. Nothing happened, again. He couldn’t navigate the website or anything on the computer – it had frozen.
“Oh, not now!!” Bob screamed at no one, again. If he knew how to fix computers this wouldn’t be a problem. “Man, where is he?” Where was Joe, when he needed him? Was he off having a great time without him while he needed to get work done; class work, class work, and class work?
Bob looked through his disorganized desk to see if he could find his misplaced phone. If he could at least find it, he could call Joe and see what he should do for his class. Maybe, he could use Joe’s laptop to do his work.
The door opened Joe tossed his keys into the tray by the door. “What are you doing, Bob?” Joe asked but he assumed the worst.
“Lost my phone. Computer’s froze. No school work done… take your pick,” Bob said as he rummaged through everything not nailed on a table or the floor.
Joe retorted, “School work? You didn’t do it Friday?”
“No.” Bob said under his breath.
“You were going to do it, Friday.” Joe reminded Bob.
“I guess this week got away from me.” Bob replied as he scratched his head through his mismanaged hair.
“I love you man, but when are you going to take it serious,” Joe said, “There is always something that keeps you from school or looking for a better job or even a girlfriend.”
Bob took a long breath, “Are you going to help or am I going to have a coronary by myself over here?”
“Your phone is on the couch,” Joe said, “where you left it last night.”
“And a girl--,” Bob said.
“—you handle that one on your own.” Joe interrupted.
“I could’ve had her, Joe. She was hanging on every word…”
“Until you opened your mouth,” Joe added, “And inserted your car wash brush.”
Bob finally found the phone between the couch cushions, then eyed Joe’s computer. “I need to use your computer,” Bob said as he sat at Joe’s desk before Joe approved.
“Bob,” Joe asked slowly, “What happened to your computer?”
“Probably, a virus,” Bob replied unconcerned.
“Virus? As in, the virus it alerted you to a few days ago?” Joe asked.
Bob started typing in the school’s website address in the browser window. “Probably.” Bob replied as Joe left the room dejected.
He was logged in. The syllabus listed the requirements for the week: Two substantive discussion posts each day for four days to get participation points, two posts to be counted in attendance, do the weekly written assignment and upload to the assignments page in word document format. Immediately, he knew it was too late to be counted as present for class and he would only get credit for two posts he could do now. As for the assignment, he didn’t know where to begin because he didn’t know what material he needed to read. He should’ve done this Friday or even sooner.
Bob rubbed his frustration over his face until his face burned through his hands. No amount of lying to the instructor could get this week back. It was a nightmare and he wished he could start the week over.
--
Bob dropped his hands to find himself at the car wash; late again. His cousin gave him the eye and shook his finger at him. A car horn honked at him again. Once again, he struck the brush against the soapy bucket and smoothed it over the windshield, wishing his lot in life could change.
His phone vibrated. It was a text from his network provider, “Services will be disrupted if payment isn’t received soon. Call us today to resolve.”
He replaced his phone back into his front pocket and looked up to the sky. Only rain could finally end his story.
--
Five years later. Rain still falls on Bob as he cleans his cousin’s car under the Procrastin’s Discount Carwash sign. The girl won’t return his calls.
Bob Procrastin examined the wand he was carrying; tool of his trade, though it really wasn’t a trade.
The car honked its horn again and immediately Bob recalled what he was to do: Scrub the wheel, scrub the mirrors, then scrub the crud off his waterproof boots – the ones that cost $59.99.
Bob lifted his head to his cousin’s banner, and read it as it flapped in the misty wind, “Procrastin’s Discount Carwash – You Won’t Wait Here”
Joe Studente sat quietly at his desk, diligently working on his class assignment. It was Friday and only one more discussion post to go to meet the minimum online participation requirement. Joe’s weekend was about to start – free from work and free to enjoy the spoils of completing his work on-time.
Joe’s phone vibrated twice. It was Bob, his roommate; he was just climbing into his cousin’s car for the ride home.
“No. I ordered last week.” Joe texted back and then checked off the last item on his US 101 class syllabus.
“I didn’t get much this week.” Bob replied to the text.
Joe shook his head. He would have to get dinner, again. Bob is his oldest friend but his poor choices landed him a dead end job that paid close to nothing. He thought if they both enrolled in school, it would encourage Bob to earn a degree and get a better job – one that afforded him to pay for pizza.
Joe sighed, and then grinned. Bob was his friend. “I’ll order if you finish your class work, so we can go out this weekend.”
“Work?” Bob hesitantly replied.
The pizza arrived and Bob grabbed at the slices like a glutton should. Joe laughed and slapped his back, “You always grab the largest one!”
“Was it the largest?” Bob replied.
“If you looked before grabbing – you’d see…”
With a mouthful of pizza, Bob cut Joe off, “Yep – and its good.”
--
A chirp woke Bob up from his couch. He stumbled over the empty beer cans and grease saturated empty pizza boxes. The days collided together and he wasn’t sure if it was Friday night or Sunday morning. He couldn’t find his phone. He couldn’t find Joe. For the moment, he really needed to find the bathroom.
Bob heard a chirp again. It was from his laptop. The battery was low and it needed to be charged. He collapsed into his desk chair that sat across the desk from Joe’s and plugged the cord back into the back of his computer.
“Joe?” Bob called out, “Joe where you at, man? I think there was something I needed to do this week for school… where you at?”
Joe didn’t answer.
Bob’s computer beeped, this time, to alert him that a virus was discovered on his computer but he hadn’t responded to the command to delete or ignore. Bob clicked IGNORE.
“Let’s get this over with,” Bob said to no one, “I’m Jonesing for a good online game. My bros may be waiting for me.”
Bob logged into his student page and clicked on the classroom tab just as he realized it was Sunday; the last day of the school week. He clicked on the tab again. Nothing happened. He slapped the mouse button again and again. Nothing happened, again. He couldn’t navigate the website or anything on the computer – it had frozen.
“Oh, not now!!” Bob screamed at no one, again. If he knew how to fix computers this wouldn’t be a problem. “Man, where is he?” Where was Joe, when he needed him? Was he off having a great time without him while he needed to get work done; class work, class work, and class work?
Bob looked through his disorganized desk to see if he could find his misplaced phone. If he could at least find it, he could call Joe and see what he should do for his class. Maybe, he could use Joe’s laptop to do his work.
The door opened Joe tossed his keys into the tray by the door. “What are you doing, Bob?” Joe asked but he assumed the worst.
“Lost my phone. Computer’s froze. No school work done… take your pick,” Bob said as he rummaged through everything not nailed on a table or the floor.
Joe retorted, “School work? You didn’t do it Friday?”
“No.” Bob said under his breath.
“You were going to do it, Friday.” Joe reminded Bob.
“I guess this week got away from me.” Bob replied as he scratched his head through his mismanaged hair.
“I love you man, but when are you going to take it serious,” Joe said, “There is always something that keeps you from school or looking for a better job or even a girlfriend.”
Bob took a long breath, “Are you going to help or am I going to have a coronary by myself over here?”
“Your phone is on the couch,” Joe said, “where you left it last night.”
“And a girl--,” Bob said.
“—you handle that one on your own.” Joe interrupted.
“I could’ve had her, Joe. She was hanging on every word…”
“Until you opened your mouth,” Joe added, “And inserted your car wash brush.”
Bob finally found the phone between the couch cushions, then eyed Joe’s computer. “I need to use your computer,” Bob said as he sat at Joe’s desk before Joe approved.
“Bob,” Joe asked slowly, “What happened to your computer?”
“Probably, a virus,” Bob replied unconcerned.
“Virus? As in, the virus it alerted you to a few days ago?” Joe asked.
Bob started typing in the school’s website address in the browser window. “Probably.” Bob replied as Joe left the room dejected.
He was logged in. The syllabus listed the requirements for the week: Two substantive discussion posts each day for four days to get participation points, two posts to be counted in attendance, do the weekly written assignment and upload to the assignments page in word document format. Immediately, he knew it was too late to be counted as present for class and he would only get credit for two posts he could do now. As for the assignment, he didn’t know where to begin because he didn’t know what material he needed to read. He should’ve done this Friday or even sooner.
Bob rubbed his frustration over his face until his face burned through his hands. No amount of lying to the instructor could get this week back. It was a nightmare and he wished he could start the week over.
--
Bob dropped his hands to find himself at the car wash; late again. His cousin gave him the eye and shook his finger at him. A car horn honked at him again. Once again, he struck the brush against the soapy bucket and smoothed it over the windshield, wishing his lot in life could change.
His phone vibrated. It was a text from his network provider, “Services will be disrupted if payment isn’t received soon. Call us today to resolve.”
He replaced his phone back into his front pocket and looked up to the sky. Only rain could finally end his story.
--
Five years later. Rain still falls on Bob as he cleans his cousin’s car under the Procrastin’s Discount Carwash sign. The girl won’t return his calls.
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