I’m not completely sold on the idea that human activities are causing catastrophic global warming that will extinct all life on the planet if I don’t start wearing hemp clothing and eating nothing but elderberries.  I really doubt that the crash of the housing market was caused by Barney Frank forcing banks to make bad loans to black people.  I don’t believe that technology companies need unlimited indentured servants through H-1B  visas because there is a shortage of smart, talented Americans.  I also don’t believe that the Patriot Act was very patriotic, but that it was more like an unconstitutional act of treason.  For all these reasons I am not only a blind, bamboozled Kool-Aid drinking sheep, but I am also apparently an Anti-Science, Socialist, Communist, Protectionist, Nazi, and traitor.

My opinions could be right or wrong.  They are based on my experience and observations.  For instance, it is my experience that I can’t get an accurate weather forecast for more than a few days in advance (if I’m lucky).  If the supercomputer-powered state of the art weather forecasting can’t accurately predict a sunny weekend, why would I believe that the same technology can accurately predict catastrophic global warming?  Also, I have noticed that every change in weather, hot or cold, is more “proof” of global warming, which they are now trying to rebrand as “climate change” – so basically they are staking out the bold position that the weather will change.  Call me Anti-Science, but what exactly would be the proof that they are wrong?

OK, to some of you I am obviously crazy.  I probably believe in Bigfoot and UFOs.  After all, if you believe in global warming and I don’t — I must be stupid.  Let’s not let the fact that neither one of us know jack about climate science nor have any real knowledge beyond what we hear from our various news sources stop us from mindless name calling.   Speaking of various news sources, another observation of mine is that most of the name calling seems to come from those who restrict their news sources to only the most extreme of the political right or left.  Not to name call or label, but just for the sake of expediency, let’s call them the Wingnuts and Moonbats, with the right wing conservatives being Wingnuts, and the left wing liberals being Moonbats.

Much attention has been drawn to the 1% of the population that controls all the wealth in this country, but I would like to propose that there is also a 2% problem: the 1% of the population who are extreme Wingnuts plus the 1% of the population who are extreme Moonbats.  Just like the 1% controls the wealth to the detriment of the rest of us, the 2% control the political debate in this country, reducing every discussion to childish labeling, wild delusional conspiracy theories, and name calling.

Again, I will give an example.  Let’s say you want to discuss abortion rights, and you take the moderate position that a woman should have the right to terminate a pregnancy until the fetus is developed enough to live outside the womb.  Sorry, but that makes you a murderer and a rapist.  To the Wingnut, you are a murderer.  You want to kill babies.  Life begins at conception.  To the Moonbat you are a rapist.  You want to control women and force them to have babies against their will.  Fueled by their self-righteous fervor and certainty that they alone have realized the Absolute Truth, they drown out all other voices, squawking and shrieking until all of the adults have finally left the room.

If you don’t believe me, browse the news on the internet and look at the comments.  How many comments can you read before someone is accused of being a sheep, Nazi, Socialist, Communist, or drinking the Kool-Aid?   Not many, right?  Now watch how the discussion deteriorates from there, as the frothing Wingnuts and Moonbats snarl and snap incoherently, repeating whatever snappy sound bites they have been fed by their slanted news sources.

Another fascinating thing that I have noticed is that Wingnuts and Moonbats both refuse to acknowledge that they are mindlessly repeating something they heard someone else say.  No sir, they came to their brilliant conclusions by way of keen observation and a thorough examination of the evidence!  This is particularly true of Rush Limbaugh fans.  I don’t know why, but I must admit that occasionally I listen to his show.  He is kind of entertaining, in a crazy uncle kind of way.  His Wingnut fans are among the loudest and most obnoxious on the internet, and time and again I have seen them post exact quotes from his show as their own thoughts — and then absolutely refuse to admit it.  Many of them go so far as to claim that they don’t even listen to his show at all.  Hell, a lot of them don’t even admit to being Republicans.  They are Independents!

To further illustrate the mental instability of the 2%, these are the very people who are the first to scream in ALL CAPS that anyone posting a different opinion is a MINDLESS LEMMING being led by the nose!  Yes, the people who have their thoughts supplied to them by daily indoctrinations from the most utterly biased news sources, the extreme Wingnuts and Moonbats, the 2%, they are the ones who most fervently believe themselves to be independent thinkers!  Even more delightful is that even the idea that they are independent thinkers and their opponents are mindless lemmings is fed to them daily by their chosen sources of propaganda!  Apparently this is Propaganda 101.  It would be a source of endless amusement if only they weren’t allowed to spam to death every attempt at an adult conversation on the internet.

So what do we, the 98%, do about the 2% problem?  Do we camp out in public parks and smoke weed?  Do we start up a militia and stash canned food and weapons in underground bunkers?  I know, some of you are thinking that we maintain our adult composure and speak to them calmly and respectfully, explaining to them that their views are somewhat irrational.  Go ahead and give that a try.  For those who already know that reasoning with the 2% is futile, join me in the only effective way of dealing with them – mercilessly taunting them.  Go ahead, push their buttons and watch their robotic arms swing about madly as their heads spin in circles spewing out the latest thing they heard their programmers say on Fox News.  Try calling them blind, bamboozled, Kool-Aid drinking sheep first, thus stealing their thunder and causing them to tic and twitch uncontrollably.  Go ahead, have fun, TYPE OUT INCOHERENT QUIPS IN ALL CAPS.  OBAMA WANTS TO FORCE US ALL TO EAT CANNED PIZZA!

Trust me, they won’t see the humor in this.  How dare you make light of the serious problems that lie exclusively with other political party!  Can’t you see that they are independent free thinkers?  If they have any control over the internet forum you are posting on, you will have the honor of being banned.  After all, you weren’t being very mature.  Count this as a victory for the 98%!

So, you are asking yourself, how does behaving as idiotically as Wingnuts and Moonbats behave and preemptively destroying any possibility of civil discourse help the situation?  Well, if you are like me, which for the ultimate fate of humanity I kind of hope you aren’t, you will be amused.  Where there was once frustration and disappointment, there is now levity and a creative outlet.  Every political discussion becomes a blank canvas for your art.  Disillusionment is replaced by snickering for the 98%, and the self-satisfaction of the 2% is replaced by rage.  You will be creating a more just and perfect world.  Most importantly: it’s fun.