An anatomy of a last-minute Christmas buy....
I thought I'd finished with my Christmas buys for Phyllis. Then I got the bright idea: Hey! I bought her a stove percolator for her coffee (one of her requests)! I'll go buy her some Dunkin Donuts coffee! Yeah! (because coffee drinkers swear by the stuff, I guess, and I know Phyllis loves it)
What made it even better was that Phyllis was out running last-minute errands. I thought, okay, I'll sneak out and sneak back with Phyllis never knowing. I hurriedly dressed in my sweats (yes, I was lounging in my jammy pants lol) and hustled to the car. Luckily, the grocery store is only a few blocks away. I pull in and am about to get out of the car when I see this other car the next aisle over that looks suspiciously like Phyllis's. I stared a little harder, like if I kept staring it'd change into a Smart car or something. But nooooo, it was still a Hyundai, and YES, it was Phyllis's car. I decide to take the non-busy entrance into the store.
I rush to the coffee section. Each time I pass an aisle, I look to make sure I don't see her. Get to the aisle, grab the Dunkin Donuts coffee (and, oh my God! $17.99 for 24 oz?? but then I know she's worth it, and I frequently bought her Peet's coffee from San Fran that costs more). I hurry up to the "express" lane. Annnnnd... of course, they're changing shifts. The woman who's leaving has her money bags out and is counting out money. I keep watching for Phyllis, thinking, "hurry dammit!" Finally, the woman is done. I have this smile plastered on my face the whole time, mind you. I practically thrust my $20 into the cashier's face and just then, I see Phyllis approaching the checkout about four lanes over. It took all my will power not to scream, "give me my freakin' $2.01!" Finally, I get my change and practically run out of the store. I jump into the car, still keeping a look out for Phyllis. Driving home, like a scene from a crime movie, I keep checking my rear view mirror, but I was free and clear.
I pull into our drive, careful to park in the same place I was before. Bound up the steps to our porch and mess with the keys for two seconds. Then I run back to the wrapping paper, dash into the den where the scissors and tape are, and then hustle to the dining room. I cut the paper... haphazardly... but I still manage to trim it before slapping tape on it. I run to put the wrapping paper, tape, and scissors back where they belong. I place the package behind of all her other packages, so she doesn't notice. Then I hang up my coat, change back into my pajama pants, and attempt to look like I hadn't run a 100-yard dash. Less than five minutes later, I hear her honking outside to let me know she's back. The only boo-boo I made was leaving my keys on the table, but she didn't notice, thank God.
All I have to say is Santa has nothing on me. I'm sure I could do that "wink of an eye" thing... no problem.
Happy Holidays everyone!
What made it even better was that Phyllis was out running last-minute errands. I thought, okay, I'll sneak out and sneak back with Phyllis never knowing. I hurriedly dressed in my sweats (yes, I was lounging in my jammy pants lol) and hustled to the car. Luckily, the grocery store is only a few blocks away. I pull in and am about to get out of the car when I see this other car the next aisle over that looks suspiciously like Phyllis's. I stared a little harder, like if I kept staring it'd change into a Smart car or something. But nooooo, it was still a Hyundai, and YES, it was Phyllis's car. I decide to take the non-busy entrance into the store.
I rush to the coffee section. Each time I pass an aisle, I look to make sure I don't see her. Get to the aisle, grab the Dunkin Donuts coffee (and, oh my God! $17.99 for 24 oz?? but then I know she's worth it, and I frequently bought her Peet's coffee from San Fran that costs more). I hurry up to the "express" lane. Annnnnd... of course, they're changing shifts. The woman who's leaving has her money bags out and is counting out money. I keep watching for Phyllis, thinking, "hurry dammit!" Finally, the woman is done. I have this smile plastered on my face the whole time, mind you. I practically thrust my $20 into the cashier's face and just then, I see Phyllis approaching the checkout about four lanes over. It took all my will power not to scream, "give me my freakin' $2.01!" Finally, I get my change and practically run out of the store. I jump into the car, still keeping a look out for Phyllis. Driving home, like a scene from a crime movie, I keep checking my rear view mirror, but I was free and clear.
I pull into our drive, careful to park in the same place I was before. Bound up the steps to our porch and mess with the keys for two seconds. Then I run back to the wrapping paper, dash into the den where the scissors and tape are, and then hustle to the dining room. I cut the paper... haphazardly... but I still manage to trim it before slapping tape on it. I run to put the wrapping paper, tape, and scissors back where they belong. I place the package behind of all her other packages, so she doesn't notice. Then I hang up my coat, change back into my pajama pants, and attempt to look like I hadn't run a 100-yard dash. Less than five minutes later, I hear her honking outside to let me know she's back. The only boo-boo I made was leaving my keys on the table, but she didn't notice, thank God.
All I have to say is Santa has nothing on me. I'm sure I could do that "wink of an eye" thing... no problem.
Happy Holidays everyone!
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