Many nights as I sat down to write THE RETURN MAN, I was joined by a little imaginary kid in my head; he wore pajamas and wanted a bedtime tale. Tell that story, Dad — you know the one! Yeah, my favourite, with the dead people tryin’ to eat the good guys, and everybody hides in this one building, and they all fight and argue until finally the zombies break in…

As a zombie fan, I’ve been hooked on that nightmare for 30 years. Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Return of the Living Dead… perfect renditions of the archetypal zombie plot.

But inevitably, even for a traditionalist like me, a desire arises for something… different. That same bedtime story is putting us to sleep too fast. So we try to change it up, add new ideas, make the zombies run, or drive trucks, or use ESP, or have laser beams shoot from their eyes–

Laser beams!?? ESP?? Dad, you’re tellin’ it wrong! Zombies don’t shoot lasers!

And that, right there, is the challenge for today’s horror writers. We’re locked in a nightly battle with that unwavering, detail-obsessed little purist. The story has to be told right. Don’t change the zombies. Gotta have a motley bunch of survivors, banding together. A hideout. Some cool zombie deaths. And promise that the bad guy will get his guts eaten at the end.

The truth is, we’re all craving new stuff — but in a horrible paradox, we prefer the same old stuff, and that’s because the original formula worked so damn well. George Romero (channeling Richard Matheson) pretty much nailed it. Zombie fiction is like pizza. You can mess a bit with the toppings, but tinker too much, take away the bread or the cheese, and it’s no longer pizza.

But Dad, I wanted pizza–

Enough, kid, we get it.

So what can a writer do to be original? Exasperated, I turned to that imaginary fanboy inside my skull and exclaimed: “Fine! What else do you like?”

Huh?

“What other kinds of stories? Zombies, I know. You’ve said so a hundred times. But what else?” I frowned. “Mysteries?”

His eyes flashed.

“Ah, I thought so,” I said. “How about action? Indiana Jones?”

Yeah!

“James Bond? Impossible missions? Crazy stunts?”

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

And that’s how THE RETURN MAN found its inspiration. It’s a zombie novel, no doubt. The zombies aren’t reinvented — far from it, still slow and mouldering, awful-smelling and mindless — but the story infuses the subgenre (infects it?) with blood from other cherished favourites. The formula is not forgotten, but recalculated to feel new and invigorating, like an old married couple given the chance to relive their first ecstatic, heart-pounding kiss.

Of course, THE RETURN MAN is just one possible solution. Other authors will prevail in their own unique, exciting ways. So fear not, fans of the dead. Zombies will continue to rot for our entertainment. It’s up to the writers to keep them fresh.