Okay… my rant. Bear with me.

Apparently the dust has settled and most people are feeling victorious about the petitions they signed keeping Brave’s Merida tough and strong… and, well, herself. A lot of people spoke out, wrote emails and made a genuine stink when they saw the new “princess-ified” Pixar character. And they should have. We all should have. It was a real-world illustration of our cultural schizophrenia playing out right in front of our eyes.

But here’s the deal. Disney will still be using the image outside the U.S. and for marketing. Why? Because they know what sells. They know us. We talk a good game about strong women. We love the tough, clever female cops and the feisty ingenues – and, no, that doesn’t have to be an oxymoron. We talk a better game about individuality. We tell our kids to be themselves. We post quotes about being unique, being our own people. But here’s the thing, we don’t do. We tell our girls that they are equal. Just as worthy as any guy. We tell them they are strong individuals who are in charge of their own bodies… then we dress them in pink sparkles with words like “Princess” and “Brat” and “Spoiled” written across those same bodies. We advertise the negative on the very people we are trying to empower. That’s where our money goes and money is all most corporations really care about.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with pink. There’s nothing wrong with being feminine or necessarily being a “princess.” My own daughter is what might be termed a “girly girl.” There is nothing wrong with wanting to find a good life partner. The guy on the white horse, so to speak, if that’s what you honestly want. Being who you are, warts and all, is entirely the point of being a strong individual… but that’s not the message we’re sending.

The message consumers are sending is the one Mike Jeffries, Abercrombie’s CEO, had the poor judgment to say out loud. Yeah, it was a douchy thing for him to proclaim, but  it’s also what a whole lot of other companies privately know and what they build their marketing plan around. Cool, popular and hot sell.

It sells because we buy. Disney knows… which is why Disney will still be using “Princess Merida” to sell stuff. Sure, you can be tough and independent. You don’t have to look like everyone else. You can have unkempt hair and be athletic, look different, speak your mind and own your life… until it comes time to market yourself.  Because when it comes time to sell, you need to give ‘em what we know they’ll buy. A certain body, certain hair, certain clothes… certain persona. Not too independent. Not too smart. And just the right amount of sex. Sex is big. Sex sells. No matter what age we’re looking at. It’s re-branded, re-named, re-packaged, but it’s still sex appeal. It’s still all about being hot.

And when we sell ourselves or our kids to the world or when our kids sell themselves to their peers,  it isn’t about money. The currency is a little more pointed… popularity, acceptance. As Jeffries might say, being one of the cool (sexy) kids.

I remember reading a crime novel written by a man whose lead character was a female. Not a problem at all. What was problematic was that more words were spent describing her body and the lingerie she wore than on revealing who she was. A couple chapters in, I knew all about her choice of lipstick, the brand of her underwear, how her clothing hugged her curves… but I had no idea why she was doing what she was doing. She was a hot, well-dressed blank slate. And the book sold well.

Try this. Google images for strong girls.

Then Google images for popular girls.

Okay, so Google might not be the best place for empirical data, but it does reflect a certain slice of our culture.

Now I had paragraph upon paragraph of explanation for why this is and how to change it… and well, being an editor at heart, I ended up cutting it. We’re smart enough to figure things out. We just aren’t always motivated enough to do anything about it.

Bottom line. There’s nothing wrong with having feminine detectives and hot female characters who are described through their lingerie. But it’s hard to convince girls that how they look doesn’t matter when everything around them screams the opposite. So how about a little more balance? If the companies, the producers, the advertisers, the film makers, the writers won’t take the lead, why don’t we as consumers?

Businesses are not stupid. They know that the teenagers have huge buying power and they want to tap into that… so they appeal to what every teen wants. To be accepted and popular. So, how about this. How about we, as the adults in this scenario, set a good example. We value strong individuals? Show it. Just wear clothes… not a brand. Buy the books, go to the movies, watch the shows with those strong individuals. Don’t want your girls to be objectified? Stop dressing them in clothes that do nothing but. Want guys who treat girls equally? Model it for them and speak out when others don’t. Do that and we’ll see more of those strong individuals… and more importantly, those teenagers will start supporting and becoming strong individuals.

And please, don’t brand your kids with a company that clearly is playing into the junior high lunch table mentality.  A smart kid is a cool kid. A nerdy kid is a cool kid. A big kid is a cool kid. Let’s base “cool” in who they are, not what they wear or how much money they and their parents can throw around.  Let your kids know “cool” has more to do with character – something you control –  than physical appearance – which is all about how the genes happened to fall. Say it, then live it. Make strong individuals the new “cool.”