© 2013 Rob Krabbe

You have searched me, the depths

of me, the known and the hidden of

me and you know me through and

through and through, the soul, and

heart of me, that I try to hide but

you know all you created.

You know when I sit and when I rise;

my thoughts, voices from inside,

and outside, demons from my hidden

heart, and ghosts from afar. Believe

me, there is no secret place; no

such space still I wonder if there is

such a place, hidden from You.

Sometimes, I think if I could just

make it darker, more isolated.  More

alone.  More sad. More dead. I try

that instead, but no. Dead end.

My going out and my lying down; and

you are familiar with all of it, and

the words I say, inside and out.

Before my tongue tastes a single

infected word, you know the heart

and mind that expressed it.

You are before me, behind me, aside

me, and your hand is on me. I don’t

get why I have such favor, or why they

call it being in favor. I don’t get why

You make such effort, for me, but I

suppose that even that feeling means

I make You too small in my own mind.

Where can I go from your Spirit

Where then would that place be. Where

can I flee from your presence? If I

travel to the stars, or the heavens,

you are there; if I dive deep into the

oceans or rivers, you are waiting for

me there. If I rise on the wings of the

dawn of hope, and new days, if I settle

on the far side of the mountains,

You welcome me when I get there.

Your ways are like a chaos to me, but

You are there, no matter where. Before

I even thought to be anywhere.

Your hand guides me, your right hand

holds me fast, protects me from myself ;

puts my fears on a top shelf, and when

I am not paying any attention, you toss

them away, behind me, into hell.

If I say, “the darkness, yes the deep

darkness will hide me and the light

become night around me,” even the

darkness will flee from you; the night

will shine like the day; depth of night,

the middle of the darkness is just like

light to you.

Why do I even wonder about all of

this? For you created my inmost being;

you pieced me together yourself. So

I need to just get in the groove and

accept the reality. I understand nothing

and yet I understand everything, when I

simply praise you because I am fearfully

and outrageously made; I know your

works are wonderful, I know that full

well, and then I suppose that my own

feelings about me need to be set aside,

and I need to trust the way You see me.

I just need to trust You.

So search me, God, fully, and know

my heart, my mind; test me and know

my anxious thoughts. See if there

is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in *Your* ways.