My heart swelled and we stared at one another for a few moments and then Maddox started to walk over to the bed. My bed. I was sitting up on my elbow drinking him in. He stopped right in front of me pushing his sweatpants down his body leaving his boxers on. He was breathtaking. I sat up and let my legs dangle on either side of him. He rested his hands at the middle point of my thighs and waited. It was almost as if he wanted to see what I was going to do.

He was giving me permission to do what I wanted. So I touched him. I touched his abs. His nipple rings. His arms which were covered with tattoos. His face. I touched his lips. His dimples. His nose. His ears. I was going to memorize his entire body so I would never forget tonight and how he felt up against me. In me.

I could feel Maddox’s eyes on me the whole time I touched him and could feel his breath against my face. I didn’t look in his eyes the entire time and then I cradled his face in mine and looked up at him. I was still in shock. Not because I was about to have sex, but because it was going to be with Maddox.

I smiled up at him and pulled his head down to mine so he would kiss me. The kiss was like none we had ever had before. Most of our kisses were wild and crazy. But not this one. This one meant something so much more.

We could have kissed for five minutes or five hours and I would have never known the difference. Maddox started to kiss down my neck and his hands made their way to the bottom of my t-shirt. He pulled back to look into my eyes asking for my permission. I couldn’t form words so I just nodded my head yes. He pulled the shirt up and over my head and then moved his hands to my back to unclasp my bra. His fingers never left my body when he took the bra off and let it fall to the floor.

“Lie down on the bed Isabelle.” I looked up into his eyes and they were filled with such hunger that I gulped and did as he said. My head hit the pillow and I turned to look up at him. He was looking down at me and smiling. He walked to the edge of the bed and his fingers started at my toes and he lightly grazed his way up to my stomach without taking his eyes off mine. It was almost as if he were drinking me in, memorizing me too. Memorizing my touch, my taste.

For a while he just stood there and a million thoughts were running through my mind. I felt like my heart was beating out of its chest and my lungs couldn’t get enough oxygen. It felt like all of the air had escaped my bedroom and that I was living on borrowed time. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. I thought I was going to pass out or fall over dead. Then I looked up into Maddox’s eyes and I felt like everything was going to be okay. That this huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. That for the first time in my life I could finally breathe and with his help I could get through anything. I just had one question for him to answer.

One question that I had literally been running away from. But at this moment, here in this room, I felt brave enough to finally ask the question I had been dying to know the answer to for months now.

I felt like it was a now or never moment, a pass or fail. I felt like in life we are given a test and this one was mine. That if I didn’t ask the question I would suffocate and regret it for the rest of my life.

But now lying here I realized that to me it didn’t matter what the answer was. What mattered to me was that I had been brave enough to finally ask it. That I had put my heart out on the line and that maybe, just maybe Maddox could show me that not everybody is like Cynthia. Just one question.
“What do you want from me Maddox?” Without taking his eyes off me he put his hand to my cheek and said, “Everything Isabelle. Everything.”

A Beautiful Idea