Last week, in Part 1 of this blog post, I covered my introduction to working with an editor and the edit process with the publication of my first two books.

This week, as promised, I take a look at the process for the forthcoming Unbroken. This particular venture into editing was both whimsical and edifying—I’d known the brilliant and sarcastic Debbie McGowan as a friend before she became my editor. This post details some of our most entertaining exchanges.

Our first editor/writer exchange occurred when Beaten Track acquired the print rights to my short story collection, Damaged Angels. One story, “A Working Boy,” is the tale of a hustler who falls in love with a former trick. He comes to understand the difference between sex for cash and sex as an expression of love. In error I had used both “cum” and “come” when describing male ejaculation which prompted the following comment:

[DMG]: There is a hysterical conversation taking place about this and the distinction of 'to ejaculate' and 'to arrive' …Anyway, I digress... OK - a couple of thoughts on this. Given the character AND the change from working sex to making love, we could make the shift from cum (porny - suits a hustler) to come (still slang, obviously, but more literary) in the last part. This is an issue we will return to in Unbroken!
[LB]: Okay, I like your approach of using the two spelling.

Then we moved onto Unbroken, which Beaten Track will publish this summer.

“He squinted in the watery blue light, laughed. “
[DMG]: You do this quite often - grammatically it requires an ‘and’.
[LB]: I Inserted and; we can look at case by case but the absence of “and” is a stylistic thing for me.

“Being reminded of Tony, of his absence, hearing him referred to in that way, caused something inside me to tear; fear, reason, unmoored, Miss Doolollie uncaged: I told you one day we would strike back. Today is that day.”
[DMG]: Writing in prose? Assuming you are, this is beautiful and it stays - this stylistic issue also relates back to prior comments regarding ‘lack of and’ - we just really need to make a decision one way or the other.
[LB]: Thank you and per my previous comment I’d rather not use “and” in these instances. Think of it this way, in 20 years when college students are writing papers on my works, this will give them a point to ponder…I shall be sure to mention “any missing “ands” are wholly the fault of the author” in my Acknowledgements.

[DMG]: Going to watching out for overuse of ‘serious’ - could be your ‘word of the novel’!

[DMG]: OXFORD COMMA ALERT (consistency check)
[LB]: What the hay is an OXFORD COMMA? But okay
[DMG]: Used in lists before an 'and'.

“He kissed me; I tasted the iron taste of blood, the salt of tears, though whether mine or his, I could not say.”
[DMG]: Could probably lose this (second “taste”)
[LB]: Good point. Okay.

"She chattered the whole way about Madame Billaud and her flight to Germany where she would change to a flight bound for Paris."
[DMG]: Why on to Germany to go to Paris. when Germany is past France when travelling from the US? It should be a city anyway - would imagine Dublin, but might be London or Manchester.
[LB]: Good catch. Geography is so not my thing; also except for Canada, I haven’t been out of US. London sounds good. Changed

“His fingers parted the tangle of curls that covered my head, and he pressed his lips against the spot he’d cleared. I fell asleep with his lips pressed against my skull like the promise of a new day.”
[DMG]: No edit - just WOW! Felt it needed to be said.
[LB]: Thanks. I love this scene.

“Upstairs, Thibodeaux pushed Jose to the front of the crowd directly in front of the stage. The go-go boy dancing center stage noticed him, flashed a smile, and shimmied over. He stepped to the edge of the stage and started to gyrate.”
[DMG]: Too many mentions of stage. Maybe try “The go-go boy dancing center stage notice him, flashed a smile and shimmied over, gyrating right in front of him. “
[LB]: Ok changed

Walking away from his mother and catching my hand in his, he said, “Come on. Let’s go.” His anger seemed to squeeze all the breathable air out of the room.
[DMG]: You use this structure quite a lot and it’s fine, but sometimes I think a change of order would be refreshing. Try instead (maybe): He walked away from his mother and caught my hand in his. “Come on. Let’s go,” he said. His anger seemed to squeeze all the breathable air out of the room.
[LB]: Let’s not change.

“When my mother came in with the turkey, she stopped short seeing Jose sitting next to me.”
[DMG]: Suggest rewrite: My mother came in with the turkey and stopped short when she saw Jose sitting next to me.
[LB]: Ok, change made. I actually lie your rewrite better than original.

“His mother, Marisol, and his nieces gathered and packed clothes, a box of Pampers, milk and whatever else they had on hand.”
[DMG]: Do you need to name-brand this? Would diapers not suffice?
[LB]: Changed. I used Pampers her as many people use “Kleenex” when they mean “tissue;” so the brand name comes to refer to the item itself, an advertisers dream.

[DMG]: NOTE: I will tackle the layout once we’re done editing - no point worrying about overflowing singular lines at this point! Thought I’d mention it now, as this is the one ‘chapter’ where it particularly stands out.
[LB]: Overflowing singular lines? Um yeah okay whatever you say.

“Good that’s settled, then,” Robert said, slapping his hand on the table, which seemed to be his wont.”
[DMG]: I know you acknowledge the repeat of this with ‘seemed to be his wont’, but I’m still not sure.
[LB]: Be sure. It stays. It will play nicely in the movie version ;-)

[DMG]: Blond or blonde? Which would you like? I think prior to this you’ve only used blond.
[LB]: I don’t care as long as it’s consistent.

[DMG]: Emdashes vs ellispes. It’s up to you, but I use emdashes for change of direction or where brackets could be used, and ellipses for thought processes and interruptions. I’m not bothered especially, so whichever you want to do (beauty of independence – we can cater for author preference in most cases), but you are a bit emdash-happy!
[LB]: Note please, I am taking the high road and ignoring you calling me emdash happy!

[DMG]: I know you think I'm obsessed, but do you realise you use 'invited' 4 times in this paragraph?
[LB]: *(massive) sigh* I rewrote. Can you live with the word used twice?

[DMG]: Dairy Queen and ice cream (scene)...letting it go...
[LB]: That sound you hear? The train leaving the station…

“Jose turned to the boys and Sam who stood just behind us and a little to the side.”
[DMG]: Do you need to give exact coordinates for Sam’s location?
[LB]: Fine. I rewrote--“Jose turned to the boys and Sam.”-- but when the movie director places them in the wrong spot for this scene it will be your fault!
[DMG]: I'll be sure to be getting in his/her face and DEMANDING that Sam is precisely 45.2 degrees NNW of Lincoln!

Once edits were completed, I mentioned her in the book's Acknowledgements:

Debbie McGowan, my friend, my editor―You believed in me from the beginning: You’re brilliant and exasperating. Your exacting standards and persistence were essential in making this book the best it could be.

Debbie wrote back “…and I’m sorry that I am exasperating, well, sort of sorry. If it pushes you to keep polishing, then it’s worth it.”

And that, my friends, I believe, sums up the best writer/editor relationship.

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