What can a father say when he loses his only son? He can say he feels more pain than he’s ever felt before. He can say that life on this Earth is not fair. He can say he is distraught with grief and sadness. He can say he is angry.

When Ronin was born his heart stopped beating. It took the Natal Intensive Care team 12 minutes to get it started again. They gave me and Emma and our families six hours with our son. In those few hours, Ronin changed lives. Through the fear we felt and through the uncertainty of our hearts and minds, Ronin’s life touched us deeply. He taught us what a privilege parenthood is, and what a blessing it is to make sacrifices for your child. He taught us patience and endurance throughout the nine months he lived in Emma’s womb. He taught us to love each other more completely and with more tenderness than we thought we had in us. For all those things and many more, I thank him.

When Emma and I announced we were expecting, I used a photo of a lion and a cub to symbolize me and my son. I was most looking forward to teaching Ronin all that I know, and showing him the wonders of the world from the safety of his father’s side. I know now that the big lion in this photo was never me. It was always Jesus. And I know that when I pass from this broken world, in which my son will never have to suffer, it will be Ronin who teaches me, and shows me the wonders of eternity, and I will be the cub.

Wise and godly men have spoken to Emma and me in this past week. We know from them that Ronin’s short life had a divine purpose, and that his purpose in heaven is great. We know from them that some trials God reserves for the strongest of his children and that there is no pain God understands better than the loss of a son.

For the six hours Ronin lived, my chief thought and prayer was “He belongs to you, Lord.” When the doctors told us that even the life support systems were failing him, and that the best thing to do was to remove them and let him go, I knew God was answering: “Yes, he belongs to me, and I have need of him now.”

What can a father say when he loses his only son? He can say he is proud of his son. He can say it is an honor to share God’s pain. He can say his son is blessed to have never felt the pain of this world. He can say he is thankful for the time he had with him. And most of all, he can promise he will see him again, when they will both be made perfect.

We love you Ronin, and we are very proud of you.