It's my favourite time of year. Not because the sun is shining and the fluffy ducklings are waggling across the pond, but because it's time for Eurovision – the ultimate in dreadful musicality, weird costumes, strange vocals, and epic ridiculousness.

This year it's in Norway (though how they won last year with that asinine ballad is beyond me), and last night was the first semi-final to send ten lucky(?) countries through to Saturday's camp extravaganza. I sat on the sofa tweeting to friends i...