I am all drive.

I am ambition, desire, and dreams.

I dream when I wake up. I dream when I am talking, walking, driving, and living. I dream more than I do…

And when I do. When I fulfill my ambitions… Well… I am usually disappointed.

Dreams do come true, and they’ve come true for me so often… I am spoiled rotten by everything. I am given a lot and I constantly want more.

Selfishness. Maybe.

Greed. Perhaps.

But I think I just dream too big. I think of these scenarios that may never be reached. And if they do I probably wouldn’t be happy because by then I’d have new dreams.

First World Problems. I know.

But I have to express my discontent… My never ending desire for something else. For a dream that evolves, to constantly be met.

But first I really need to learn contentment. To appreciate the reality of dreams. To be thankful for the things that I receive. I really am taking a long time to learn this lesson. At first I thought I just needed to learn patience, but that isn’t the lesson I need to learn. I need to learn to temper my ambition with appreciation. I need to be glad for the good, while still striving for more… without giving up.

Because that is what I do when the dreams don’t fulfill. I rant and rave and throw my arms in the air and accept that I will never succeed. I throw temper tantrums like a child. An excellent example for my darling daughter.

Disappointment eats me alive. And I have to learn to accept it.

So this is a public confession. Just a broad apology and acceptance of my own shortcomings.

But this fire burns so hot inside of me… and I really can’t give up. I feel I may burn up… but giving up is not an option. I just have to temper it with cooling breezes. Fan the flames, but keep them from burning out of control.

This is not really a blog post. More of a venting, rambling, flow of thoughts. It is cathartic and I needed to write something.

Maybe if I can get this out, I can do something productive… Maybe work on those dreams.

Book 2. Can it be done?

Chad