One of the most popular terms in society today is the phrase “win-win.” This refers to a decision made between two or more parties in which everyone involved gets some kind of benefit. Maybe no one gets ALL that they want, but everybody gets a slice of the pie, and everyone walks away with a smile.

Wouldn’t it be a great world if everything in our life was a “win-win” situation?  …if all our disagreements and conflicts (in relationships, career, family, etc.) were settled in such a way that everyone walked away happy?

And since we’re talking about things that would be great…wouldn’t it be great if you could take a pill that allowed you to actually have a two-way conversation with your dog, and both of you could understand each other’s language? …and wouldn’t it be great if eating chocolate cake and ice cream would make you LOSE weight instead of gaining it? Wouldn’t it be great if you could put a peanut in the microwave and have it turn into a $50 bill? Oh…and wouldn’t it be great if the Los Angeles Lakers won three more back-to-back-to-back championships—starting this year?

All those things would be great, but they’re probably not going to happen. Particularly, you’re not going to see a peaceful win-win resolution to every personal conflict. Why? Because some conflicts, by nature, are designed to help us clarify certain things about our lives and our futures.  They help REFINE our lives and our progress. They aren’t meant to be resolved harmoniously. The arise to show us who and what needs to go (or stay) if we want to move forward in life.

Most of you are familiar with the biblical account of Satan’s rebellion in heaven (Revelations 12:7-9). Satan (originally named Lucifer) was a leading angelic being in heaven. But he decided he wanted to be THE leader of heaven—not just settle for a leadership role. He wanted God’s spot. So he recruited a third of all the angels, and tried to take over. It was a short conflict. God just dispatched a nameless angel to cast the entire lot of them out.

God didn’t just put down the rebellion…he kicked the participants out. He didn't bring everyone into a room and try to iron out the misunderstanding around a table of angel-food cake and honeydew tea. Why? Because the reality is that certain people will NEVER get along peacefully with you, because there’s something flawed in their personalities that prevent them from respecting you, valuing your relationship, or seeking the best for your lives. It's one of life's original and irresolvable "it's not you, it's them" situations.

Face it, there will be Judas-es in your life (close friends who betray you), there will be some King Sauls (insecure maniacs), Pharaohs (people who do everything they can to keep you bound up and prevent you from moving forward), and some Cains (come on....what kind of name is "Cain"..?).

Whenever there is disagreement in our lives, there’s a possibility of division. When division settles in, everything comes to a standstill.  Ugh. Sometime peace—or agreement—can only be re-established through direct confrontation -- and war. And whenever there is war, there will be casualties. Something or someone just may need to go.

We don’t like to face that reality. We want to think that with enough discussion, time, counseling, coffee, and discussion, that we can work anything out. When we refuse to face the stark reality of life that this just ain't gonna happen, we are setting ourselves up to be stuck in a lose—lose situation. We have just purchased a ticket on life's tragic lose-lose merry-go-round (except delete the "merry" part...it's really just a go-round). We lose, because our progress towards our future and purpose will be hindered, and the other party loses because their way is flawed from the start.

The key to avoiding lose-lose situations is to remember the one time there was war in heaven, and face the realities of your life head-on. As your life progresses it will be refined. The refining process consists of two stages: purifying and purging. Purifying has to do with what needs to stay and improve, while purging has to do with what has to go.

Okay, I’ve got to go check the peanuts I put in the microwave (because I really don't have a lot of faith in that whole Lakers thing working out).

Carl Prude, 2013
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