Reflections is a neat word, no matter how you look at it. It rolls off the tongue in a pleasing way. It has only one harsh consonant to jar the ear but even that harshness is immediately softened by the syllable after it. It has more than one meaning which makes it all the more mysterious and attractive a word. Reflections are a copy of something: a mirror image in a shiny surface. The word can also be used to describe the thoughts of a contemplative mind. 

Today I'm turning 39 years old and I suppose that I feel like reflecting. For ten years now, I've described my age as "29 and holding". Darn it all, now I have to update that to "39 and holding". 

For some reason in our society, we seem to fear age and the process of maturing. The media is overrun by images of youth and most advertising insists that we simply have keep ourselves this way: Cover the grey in your hair! Smooth out fine lines and wrinkles with this anti-aging cream! Somehow, youth has become the main determinant of self-worth that we are supposed to ascribe to in our culture. There's nothing wrong with youth, but I've decided that I just don't understand why we don't embrace aging as well. 


I don't want to be the person I was 20 years ago, or even 10 years ago anymore. Being 19 or 29 was fine at the time and I've learned a lot from all the seasons of my life so far. Still, I look back on the person I was and I can see that I was ignorant of a great many things. I wasn't always strong enough within myself to stand up for my convictions, I was judgmental toward others at times and I was too afraid of the criticisms of others to be myself in many ways. (Admittedly, that last one is still a work in progress!) Thinking back on how much I've matured, I wouldn't consider trading those gains to turn back the clock, even if I could. 


I often visit a relative who is 92 and she once told me that even though she can't do much physically anymore, she is never bored. She tells me that she has so many things to think about and to remember. She reflects back on her entire life and what she has learned from it. I swear that I can see wisdom in her dark-eyed gaze and it is both wonderful and beautiful.

Whoever I am at 40, 45, 60, 90 (if I make it that long), I hope that I'll still be learning and maturing. I also think that I should give up the "and holding" addendum to my age ... and grow up already!