This past Sunday, well-known Pastor Ron Carpenter stood before his congregation and revealed a marriage nightmare that he had kept hidden for the past ten years (for the full story click here: http://tinyurl.com/mxg3o8r). 

While the facts are still coming to light, I applaud what he did and how he did it because there are so few people in the faith community (leaders in particular) who are open about these types of situations, to the extent that when others go through similar problems, they can't look around for examples of people who have successfully navigated these rough waters....and yet there are MANY others going through the same kinds of storms...but they go through this junk in isolation and blindness.

Consequently people are trying to feel their way through these storms. They don’t know what to share openly, what to withhold, or what to keep secret. I listened to Ron Carpenter's entire message from that Sunday, and he made it clear that at this point, after everything that has taken place including his wife’s admission of two instances of prolonged infidelity (including a secret affair that was going on while they were in a year-long counseling program) as well as her loss of her maternal instinct, that his goal is not to restore his marriage, but to do what he can to help his wife get better, and help his family move forward in a healthy way.

The “What God has joined together let no man put asunder” is grossly misunderstood, in my opinion, because many of our unions, while at times fulfilling, were a result of our choices…not necessarily God’s choice. WE try to make it seem that whenever we marry someone that our spoken marriage vows somehow invoke God’s commitment to some kind of covenant – but it doesn’t work that way. We allow horrible marital confusion to scar our children for life and paralyze our lives because of our stubborn refusal to see that we are trying to salvage a union that was purely of our own construction. We hate to admit that...it's easier to mis-apply a scripture, while overlooking scriptural precedent.

Since the time of Abraham and Hagar, God has made it clear that He has no problem telling people, “you married the wrong person….you need to fix this by ending it.” The last two chapters in the book of Ezra are dedicated wholly to correcting (ending) tens of thousands of marriages to the wrong people. In case anyone has a question, a godly person who is married to someone who consistently conducts themselves in ways that refuse to honor or submit to godliness (a child of perdition), is an unequally yoked union…and not only will God not bless it, but you will most likely be miserable your entire time with that person. If you have children, then your willingness to keep them in such a toxic environment will probably leave them marred and almost nearly un-marriable (I don't think that's a word...but that's what I've seen in my twenty-plus years in pastoral ministry). 

Adam had only two trees and two choices in the garden of Eden – a 50/50 chance – and he made the wrong choice. Today our ability to choose correctly still hasn’t changed that much (half the time we choose wrong), and the divorce rate reflects that tendency. We choose the wrong job…we realize it and correct it. We buy the wrong car…we realize it and correct it. We move into the wrong neighborhood or buy the wrong house…we realize it and correct it. But when we marry the wrong person…we refuse to realize it or correct it, and then claim that “what God has joined together….” 

One of my best-selling books is a mini-eBook titled, "The 10 Essential Traits of a Godly Man and a Godly Woman."  In the book I have a section called "Did I marry the wrong person" that has not only been controversial -- but also liberating. 

In the words of Kenny Rogers, sometimes you have to know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away, and know when to run.
Carl Prude © 2013

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