Ultimately, we all just want to love ourselves. We want to be comfortable in our own skins, we want to feel accomplished, we want to be at ease with our pasts and excited for our futures. We do things, say things, create things to express this feeling within ourselves that says, “See how I understand this kind of beauty? It came from inside me where I am beautiful.”

And for the less artistic we will get good jobs and higher educations to say, “See how I understand the value of this? I will embody it.”

We do all of these things to show the world our value. We feel as though when we have earned this respect, this admiration for our efforts from other people or establishments, once we have been acknowledged…then are free we respect ourselves, admire ourselves. Some of spend our wholes lives waiting to feel this kind of freedom.

Why?

What if we suddenly, for no reason at all, just decided to love ourselves. Right here, right now, exactly as we are. What if we fully accepted every “flaw”, decided to smile no matter what situation we found ourselves in. What if we just fell completely, madly, hopelessly in love with ourselves?

How powerful that would be! How excited and giddy we would be! How passionate our work would then feel, how easy it would be to love others without judging them and to show them how they are free to love themselves. We would heal from our pasts and propel ourselves into our dreams. It would be magical and beautiful!

So why can’t we do this? Why must be wait for someone to validate our worth? I wonder this often about myself. I wonder why I find it so hard to just love me. I don’t think I’m bad…and yet…there is something inside that’s afraid to believe that I am worth being in love with. I wonder how much I’m holding myself back from and just how powerful I could be if I let myself fall in love with me. Sometimes I think I would be so incredibly happy and so bursting with love that I would have to stop talking altogether. Like the words could never be enough to describe any feeling or sentiment I’d have to de-elevate (I just made that word up.) just to express myself with spoken word. I would just become Love. I would become Love and fly away. How precious that would be…

And then I remember that I AM a soul and not a body, not really. So I am Love already. And then I wonder why I can’t fly yet…and then I remember that I have this body and live in this world…and then I remember that I have book to finish and jewelry projects that need my attention and I should get some work done or I’ll feel like I wasted time…and then I start my mental to do list and put off all this falling love stuff til tomorrow, maybe. I fall back into the swing of reality.

But sometimes I wonder…