So, it’s that time of year.  Witches and carved pumpkins, fake spider webs and the worst movie marathons most television channels can rummage up for our long-suffering enjoyment…  And even for a woman who LOVES the autumn, Samhain and all the delights of the season…it can wear on the nerves.

However, for my husband, who is a zombie fanatic, it is heaven on earth.  And because I love the man, I found myself hunkering down to finally attempt to absorb what it is that makes the “Walking Dead” so worship worthy.  And here, dear friends and readers, is what I’ve learned from the Zombie Genre so far:

1) Apparently, being undead improves your hearing.  Before you are dead, no big deal.  Average hearing.  AFTER, you can hear a heart beat from 800 paces.  Who knew?  Also, your sense of smell seems to get a zing, as well.

2) Being undead instantly makes your clothes ragged, muddy, torn and…well…icky.  Not one suit and tie in sight.  Not a fashion-forward walker in the mix.  Not one.

3) Serial Killers and Amoral Jerks do much better in a zombie apocalypse than your average “good guy”.

4) Zombie Deterioration Rates vary wildly.  I’m not sure what the convention on rotting corpses is but wow.  If I have chicken in the fridge and fail to get to it before a certain date, game over.  But apparently dead people walking around in SUMMER HEAT AND HUMIDITY are immune to the problem.  In my humble opinion, the undead should be fairly immobile after day three or four… but what do I know?

5) No one in these films has any working knowledge of armor, medieval weaponry, battle tactics or how to use a shield wall.  Seriously.

and finally, 6) I love my husband so much that I kept all of the above to myself.  I nodded, I covered my eyes when it was appropriate (and silently wished we could watch Downton Abbey re-runs) and when it was all over, I vowed that when the Zombie Apocalypse comes, I will save his life.   Even though he made me watch the “Walking Dead”.

Because it’s true love.  Scary.  But true.