Raising girls to be wonderful womenI have three girls and a boy. I am not perfect and I do not believe that I know all there is to know about raising children, they are only between the ages of three to fourteen for goodness sakes. However I am an opinionated person and this is my view on what you should avoid if you want your angel to grow up to be an amazing lady.  It strikes me as odd sometimes how often I'm tempted to say things to my girls that may temporarily heal hurt feelings, but I'm afraid might really damage their character if they hear it from me often enough.

Here's an example of what I'm talking about...

When my oldest (she's fourteen) got into the car after school the other day with tears in her eyes and a quietness unlike her, I knew something was wrong. She went on to tell me that another girl in her class was rude to her and in true mean girl fashion made a comment about my daughter's shirt being too small or something equally stupid in front of another group of girls. She meant to put my daughter down and get attention for herself, maybe her mother is equally rude and judgmental,  or maybe she's the school's top authority on fashion. Anyway it was really, and I mean REALLY hard for me not to say "Don't worry about it, she's just jealous."

I was able to cheer her up and realize that it didn't matter what anyone else thought, she really liked the shirt and felt pretty in it. So why let someone who is unkind and acts ugly have any effect on how she feels about herself? The mean girl was soon forgotten as Georgia giggled and explained how angry her bff had gotten in her defense, which she said she was really happy about. Thinking about it now I am so glad that I didn't utter those words she's just jealous and I'll tell you why...

I don't want my daughter growing up to be a woman who falls back on that phrase in every situation, even it it's true sometimes. I know a woman who is almost thirty five and if she detects any criticism (even if it is warranted) she still to this day soothes herself by saying so and so is just jealous, which to me is ridiculous! If I am in the wrong I'd like to think that I can handle myself accordingly, make it right and move on. Maybe even learn something from it. But to do that I've got to be able to listen to others and hear what they are saying even if it means taking an honest look at my own poor choices. I can't help thinking that if the lady weren't so coddled with those words as a child this woman wouldn't be so immature and incapable of  self reflection, she wouldn't be so shallow always chalking everything up to jealousy.

Another thing that I find on the tip of my tongue, but won't say is "He's just mean to you because he likes you."

Um no, I just can't do it...

It's not like I actually think that just because little boys are mean to us when we're kids during recess and we go home and our parents gave us that he's mean because he likes you bull crap, that we are forever destined to choose jerks who do not know how to treat women with respect. I just want my girls (and son) to know that it is wrong for boys or anyone to act like butt heads, just because they want to be cool in front of their friends. I expect them to show them that it's not to be tolerated. Period. When the boys are mean, my girls know to put them in their place, and then go on ignoring them... forever if they have to! The mean boys don't get any attention from my girls and hopefully they get the point and learn to be nice. My girls know their self worth, and they think guys that are mean to them aren't worth the time of day and I hope they always remember that.

I don't nick name them princess...Don't get me wrong, they love to play dress up and pretend to be royalty. My six year old loves to play princess and is on the hunt for her prince charming, but that child has enough of my bratty genes that I'm sure she would be ruined and we would all be in trouble if I gave her a title! I just don't think I should raise a little girl to grow up to be an entitled woman. I don't want my daughters to cry as a means to get what they want. I have a cousin who is an amazing woman, mother, and friend, but I swear one time she cried like a baby when she couldn't go out with friends. She might've been seventeen at the time, it was storming outside, and my aunt was like no way. She cried real blubbering crocodile tears that turned her whole face red. I was shocked when my aunt gave in, she swiped her face dry, and was out the door in a flash... To this day I still can't believe it, I  probably won't ever let her live it down either! I really will freak out if my girls do that holding car keys in their hands and then I'm sending them to her house! I can see Cheyenne doing this. That girl will push my buttons I'm sure, but I know in this battle I will win because I refuse to raise a Bridezilla...I have hopes that they will grow up to be straightforward and out going, but I don't want to encourage them to be royal pains even when they are taller than me, so I tend to call them stink heads more and more these days!

I stopped saying the word skinny when my oldest daughter was in the seventh grade. I have stopped dieting just because I want to be "skinnier". I do not refer to myself as fat any more. When Georgia started putting herself down and verbalizing a poor self image, I started to emphasize exercise and  weight loss as a means to be healthier not thinner. It bothered me that she had started to compare herself to girls with totally different body types and she was referring to herself as fat far too often. When she started to talk about dieting I drew the line and realized that if I do the same at my age, constantly worry about what size I wear or somehow feeling less attractive because of weight gain I'm just reaffirming the negative self image she was seeing in herself. Which is completely wrong, because people are worth so much more than their pant size. She is so beautiful not only because she has shining brown eyes and long black hair, but because she is loving, kind, and funny! So the word skinny is banned from our house for like... ever.

One thing that I will always be sure to do as a mother of girls is to encourage them to be or do anything that they want in life. I will not limit their dreams to something that is normally considered a man's or guy's job. If they want to be scientists or professional football players I'm taking a page from my dad's book and I'm saying you can be anything that you want. I'm going to make sure that they realize how limiting it is if you skimp out on an education, and be supportive in their efforts to find what ever it is that they really love doing.

I'm sorry if this has turned into some kind of soap box, but these things are always kind of twirling around in the front of my brain. My girls are still growing and I've yet to see what kind of women they will turn out to be. I am still learning about what kind of woman I want to be. I hope that through my experiences and lessons learned I can help them to mature into kind women who care about those around them. I hope they learn to love themselves and know their worth. I was a fully grown woman before I learned to be comfortable in my own skin.

I will never be a mom comfortable with giving them gifts or toys that cost more than my phone, and I'm not willing to spend more than $150 bucks on one... at least not until they are old enough to earn the money and understand the value of that kind of cash. The tooth fairy will never leave more than two dollars under their pillows. I won't allow them to scream at the doctor's office no matter how anxious it makes them and I won't get angry at the nurses for pricking my baby. I don't make more than one meal. If they can say mommy they no longer need a paci or nini or baba or anything else sticking out out of their mouths. I will not embarrass or degrade them, but they will know when I'm disappointed. They will test me, embarrass me, teach me, and learn from me. They will never think this world owes them anything. Hopefully what they lack in "things" they will have in experiences and more make up for in character. They will see from my husband how a man should treat his wife. They will never be too proud to apologize and they will be willing to forgive, if they can learn from my mistakes.

There are several women in my life. Great ladies, that I pray my girls grow up to be like.  My mom, her sisters, and my Aunt Cheryl. Georgia is sweet,  she wears her heart on her sleeve, and loves her family something fierce like my mom. Cheyenne is tall, outgoing and loves anything that glitters like my Aunt Renee' and Aunt Theresa, she even slept in the first pair of heels I bought her. Lily is petite and motherly, but she's no push over she reminds me so much of my Aunt Cheryl. They all will tell you like it is and that's my Aunt Donna through and through. I'm sure that my grandmother was an amazing woman to raise eleven children to be such wonderful women and men. They all grew up putting people feelings first and knowing the importance of family. One time when my mom heard me getting on to my kids she stared at me in awe, but I felt like I was doing something right when she said "I've never heard anyone sound just like mother like that."

My kids will know that they can talk to me about anything and everything and I'll always be there and be honest. My mom never criticized me and that's something I so admire and appreciate about her. I want to teach my kids so much, but the most important lesson of all is they will know that they are daughter's of our heavenly father and in that knowledge they will find strength and guidance that will surpass any mistakes that I am sure to make and I will forever love them, even if they turn out like Nelly from " Little House on the Prairie" or like me sometimes despite my best efforts. No matter what they will know that I will always love them more than life itself.
 
P.S. I also want to say that if you have a little girl that you call princess, if you let your child have a pacifier until she turned ten, or anything else that I personally choose to do differently, that doesn't mean that you or I am doing anything wrong as a parent, it simply means we each know what's best for our own children. The lord knows I'm not perfect and every crow thinks hers are the blackest, the only difference in us is that I write about mine. Do you have girls or teenage girls for that matter? I'd love to hear how are you handling the difficulties raising them. Do think I'm way off base?  If you agree with me or even if you think I don't have a clue, I'd love to hear from you and honestly from the bottom of my heart thank you for reading!

Sincerely
~Cheryl Renee' Seagraves