So here is my rant for the day. I know I am usually ranting about something, but this is going to be a special rant that probably pertains to 99% of the population: Healthcare.

My son and I went to see the doctor today. Yes, it’s true, despite the rumors of my creation in a lab using medical waste and a generous portion of anger, I am actually human. I have health insurance through my wife’s company because apparently unemployed, aspiring authors do not come with their own health insurance plan. Everything went fine at the doctor’s office, thanks for asking, and I paid the normal copay required by the plan. Everyone was happy-or so I thought, until we went to pick up the prescriptions. Apparently our plan requires a separate insurance “scripts” card to pick up prescriptions. That is right folks, I don’t need a license to make babies or buy ammunition but I need a license to pick up the medication that will save my life (well in this case it was some nose spray and a Z-pack) but that’s not important! The point is I had to text my wife, who was very busy at home watching Matlock and ask her to look up our plan to get a number to call.

When i get irate I have a tendency to use an overabundance of capital letters in my texts as well as a liberal application of exclamation points. But she is headstrong and ignores anything I ever really do and sent a text back that I should calm down and not get irate with her because she did not invent health insurance. This caused me to stomp my feet and clench my fists.

I finally responded with the following:

“I am not aggravated with you. Don’t you know me by now that I am aggravated at life in general and the littlest thing can set me off on a tangent? Just the other day a squirrel crossed in front of my car but he zig-zagged instead of running straight through and it set me off on a 15 minute diatribe about how the government just lets these animals roam the streets unchecked.”

Needless to say, after about 30 minutes of sitting at CVS I finally asked the clerk: “OK you win. I have an insurance card that is valid at any participating retail outlets (or doctor) but not valid for prescriptions. Can I just sign up for Obamacare? Is there a ‘prescription only’ option?”

In the end I got my prescriptions and everyone made it out of the store safely. The moral of this story is if Craig Gaydas walks into your store, just give him whatever he wants or he is going to go off and rant about meaningless shit for hours at a time until you finally give in and give him what he wants anyway.