So I decided to spin a yarn about events going on in my very own home. The following story is based on true events.

So I woke up this morning and noticed it was a balmy 30 degrees outside. After wishing I never moved from Florida, I trudged into the bathroom, brushed my teeth and woke up the children to get ready for school. Brian, my 9-year-old, takes a shower, gets dressed and enters the living room. He was wearing a t-shirt and gym shorts. I told him that it was going to be cold today and he needed to put on warmer clothes. At this time he advised me that he didn’t have any pants. I was perplexed. His grandmother just bought him 38274294724+1 pairs of pants from the pants store.

Now here is where it gets interesting. At first I figured his pants were in the clothes cocoon growing in the corner of the room that he shares with his older brother. I believe they are waiting for that particular pile to develop into a graceful butterfly that will sprout cotton wings and fly to the nearest washing machine (but alas that is a story for another day). I examined the cocoon in the event that a pair of pants lay inside. I was disappointed to see that there were no pants in the pile nor in the drawers where his clothes should be. By the way, I’m not sure why parents buy dressers for their kids when the floor is an absolutely perfect place to store clothes until needed (but once again, a story for another day).

So I did what I thought would be the next logical step to resolve this dilemma. I asked him where he put his pants. He replied with the standard, adolescent answer: “I don’t know.” I asked him: “You were in your pants when you took them off, right?” To which he responded “I think so.”

After face palming myself into a wall, I searched his entire room for a pair of pants. There were no pants. As a parent who has been subjected to countless hours of Caillou I concluded that there was only one logical conclusion. The pants fairy came and took them in the middle of the night.

So for those of you reading my nonsensical ramblings, please take heed from the message I bring to you. Please, for the love of God, lock up your children’s pants before the pants fairy gets them.

This is how the zombie apocalypse starts.